Here’s Willem Dafoe As Vincent Van Gogh in “At Eternity’s Gate”

September 6, 2018 / Posted by:

There’s a trailer out for the Julian Schnabel directed Vincent van Gogh biopic called At Eternity’s Gate starring Willem Dafoe. Finally, Americans will have an answer to the age old question: is it pronounced van Go or van Goff? Have you been walking around saying “Van Go” like an unsophisticated colonial rube your whole life, or have you been putting a little English on it and pronouncing it “Van Goff”  like a continental rube your whole life? Here’s the trailer which also stars Danish snack Mads Mikkelsen as a priest (yes, Father I have sinned. I’m sinning myself as we speak), and American snack Oscar Isaac as Polynesian titty aficionado Paul Gauguin.

Here’s the trailer:

Well shit, they didn’t say “van Gogh” in the trailer at all. Everybody’s on a first name basis. And we probably can’t count on a good answer in the movie either. Looks like they are going for the old trick where everybody, regardless of nationality, just speaks vaguely accented English. According to CBS films, it’s all made up anyway.

This is not a forensic biography, but rather scenes based on Vincent van Gogh’s letters, common agreement about events in his life that present as facts, hearsay, and moments that are just plain invented.

That explains why everybody is attractive and has teeth (I so would Dafoe, BTW). In real life, those crusty old painters were fugly as sin. That’s why they became artists and not artists’ models. Paul Gauguin had to move all the way to French Polynesia to find ladies who would let him paint their titties for free. French chicks simply would not fuck with his homely ass unless it was for cold, hard Francs.

By the way, nobody but the Dutch pronounce van Gogh correctly. You have to really dig deep and make like you’re bringing up a hairball to say it like the Dutch. Plus, you’ll sound like a pretentious twat.

So everybody gets a free pass on pronunciation, just like in this movie. Or you could just say “the painter guy with the sunflowers who cut his ear off”, people will know who you mean.

Pic: YouTube

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