Arteries Unclog In Protest After McDonald’s Announces They Won’t Be Selling McNugget Buckets

August 25, 2018 / Posted by:

What’s your McDonald’s McNuggets dipping sauce of choice? Mine’s Hot Mustard. I know, it’s pretty much the Tiffany Trump of McNugget condiments. But the delicious combination of processed foodstuffs and the piquant charge of the spicy mustard in the little plastic cup is like a hug from my mom. (“Your abusive, neglectful mom?,” you ask.) We ask this because you would need about a jillion of those dipping sauce cups to handle the proposed 48 piece McNugget BUCKET that was supposedly being introduced by the famed fast food chain. Unfortunately, your weekend might be a little less bright now that Delish is reporting that the 48 piece bucket initiative is NOT happening. So cruel. How else are we supposed to induce a cardiac event in our bodies at lightspeed?

In truth, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. You would have had to journey to the Far East to shove your hungry head into a KFC-style bucket filled to the brim with pieces of processed chicken (?) parts. It was originally reported by Joyscribe and then followed up on by media entities including Foodbeast, The Daily Mail, The Daily Meal, Nerdist, and OK! Magazine that the buckets were supposedly going to be a promotion for J-Pop group NGT48 and would only be served in Japan’s Niigata Prefecture. That dream is shattered now. In fact, McDonald’s says that the buckets were a limited time offer from back in 2015!

The public was outraged over these delicious lies! (THIS is what the public is outraged about considering our current political…nevermind.)

FAKE NEWS. This is also good news because how many times have you staggered over to Mickey D’s after a night of drinking and slurred your order for the 20 piece? And then gone home and eaten it all by yourself? And you wake up with the crushed box under your head, covered in McNugget breading ashes, and your face caked with condiment? You already feel guilty enough for being a drunk wreck the evening before, but now you’re a semi-drunk wreck who feels extra gross after inhaling that mess. Now imagine polishing off 48 of those bad boys out of a friggin’ BUCKET. How would we have lived with ourselves after awaking to that realization?

Pic: Pinterest

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