Obviously nothing can ever top the legendary sequinned charisma of Lil’ Kim’s purple nipple cover at the 1999 MTV VMA’s, but that’s not nearly a good enough excuse for people not to try. An iconic look is like rolling dice; you might wear something that ends up in one of those Best Looks of ALL TIME galleries for the rest of the internet’s existence, or you might be just wearing clothing. Cardi B could have shocked eyes by showing up in big hair, a dramatic cape, and no pants, but – yawn – been there, done that. Instead, Cardi B made her first red carpet appearance since giving birth last month in a purple gown by Nicolas Jebran and a pussycat wig. Cardi is giving me eccentric Beverly Hills housewife at a charity gala trying to steal the spotlight from her rival Bitsy Saint Claire. Wait a second – rich, attention-getting, short dark hair, daughter’s name spelled with an unnecessary K? Kris Jenner must be so flattered right now.
Camila Cabello brought 2000s prom queen drama in an Oscar de la Renta gown. The only thing missing is a flask full of Malibu and a Motorola Razr full of pictures from the limo bus ride there. Her dress is also giving teen vibes, but in a totally different way. That gown looks like what happens after you shoplift a dress, sneak into the garage, and try to remove the security tag with a pair of pliers.
Teyana Taylor looks like she realized about halfway through an amateur Street Fighter meetup that the MTV VMAs were happening. Since Manhattan traffic would obviously take too long, she grabbed onto the landing skid of an ascending helicopter and held on until she was at a safe enough distance to drop through a skylight in the roof.
Lastly – and yes this is most definitely a save the best for last situation – is Amber Rose in some kind of red plastic dominatrix cat outfit. If there was ever a mascot for Spirit Halloween’s sexy costumes section, this is it: it’s red, it’s cheap-looking, it comes with a mask. And yes, it’s cheap. That flogger looks like greasy grocery store brand Twizzlers, and the cone bra looks like crushed Solo cups.
Here’s more from last night including Rita Ora bringing up the rear in a gown that might have been made with a glue gun and a 40-pack of black glue sticks.