Hot Slut Of The Day!
The orphan squirrel who was just looking for a mommy and got nabbed by the cops instead!
Aren’t we all just a Johnny Lee song and lookin’ for love in all the wrong places? For some of us, those wrong places are the dick of a Grindr trick who takes money from your wallet after you pass out from busting a nut, or worse, the dick of a Grindr trick who wants to cuddle afterward and watch the worst HGTV ever Kitchen Cousins. But for a baby squirrel in the German city of Karlsruhe, he looked for love in a man whom he thought was his mommy but ended up calling the police on him.
The Guardian says that on Thursday, an unnamed man thought that a baby squirrel was stalking him. The good thing for the squirrel is the man wasn’t like that evil pussy Tom and didn’t go along with it so he could eat the squirrel later. The squirrel wouldn’t leave him alone and followed him around everywhere. Instead of, I don’t know, getting the squirrel off his tail by throwing an ice cream cone in the opposite direction, he called the police. The police actually answered the call and found the baby squirrel still chasing the man. But eventually, the baby squirrel got tired of chasing unrequited love and took a nap (see above: the squirrel napping in the most adorable mug shot ever).
A spokesperson for Karlsruhe Police Department says that it’s not that strange for orphan squirrels to look for maternal love after getting lost from their mommies.
“It often happens that squirrels which have lost their mothers look for a replacement and then focus their efforts on one person,” said Christina Krenz, a police spokeswoman.
She said the animals could be “very persistent, not just running behind someone, but entirely fixated on them. It can be pretty scary. The man didn’t know what to do and so he called the police. He was certainly feeling a bit threatened.”
The police department took the squirrel in, and for a minute, he was their mascot.
“A squirrel will be our new mascot, it will be christened Karl-Friedrich,” said the police write-up. “The squirrel has fallen asleep in fright.”
But they eventually took Karl-Friedrich to an animal rescue center where he’s doing well. It’s nice that the baby squirrel is now getting some love after getting nothing but cold rejection from a human he thought was his mommy (and I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns that hurt into rage and gets revenge on us mean humans). But I feel extra bad for that baby squirrel, because I don’t know how many times I’ve gone up to a strange man and asked, “Will you be my daddy?” only to have him call 911 on me. I feel you, Karl-Friedrich.
Pic: Karlsruhe Police Department