John Mayer’s Home Was Robbed Of Up To $200,000 In Valuables

August 11, 2018 / Posted by:

Quick! Someone put an APB out on Alexis Neiers, because it looks like The Bling Ring is back in action! Well, either The Bling Ring Redux or some other boring regular old house robbers are back in action, because John Mayer has had his house burgled, and they’ve mostly taken his fancy watch collection.

According to expert Los Angeles police report tracker downers TMZ, John’s Beverly Hills manse was robbed on Friday morning by someone breaking in through a smashed bedroom window.

We’re told the house was “ransacked.”  The burglar/burglars made off with music equipment and personal property.  Our sources say among the items taken … some of John’s watches.  He has an enormous and enormously valuable timepiece collection.

Our sources say the value of the property taken is between $100,000 and $200,000.

No one was home at the time of the break-in.  We don’t know if John’s burglar alarm was on.

Somewhere around noon, a security guard noticed the broken window and called police.

So far, no suspects.

It’s no secret that John has a large, er, “timepiece“, collection. There have been many articles, including a profile in the NY Times, and video interviews showcasing John’s numerous wrist watches and his undying love for them (could John have a dose of “object sexuality” with his watch collection? Please say he does!). This robbery sounds like another case of a celebrity flaunting their wealth in the form of objects none of the rest of us can afford, that they later end up getting robbed of because they’ve basically pointed a trail of diamond crumbs to their horde of riches. So it definitely sucks to be John right now, but I’ve bet he’s got insurance and this’ll all end up just fine for him.

I wonder if John’s watch collection is anywhere as big as his sex tape collection? And now I’m suddenly getting visions of John making sex tape after sex tape with his amazing watch collection. Can’t wait to see that, but until then, we’ll have to satisfy ourselves by the true pioneer of object sexuality, Erika Eiffel (as in, she married the Eiffel Tower and took her new spouse’s last name). I’d love to see John and his timepiece collection in the fold of this narrative. Until then, we’ll always have Erika and Eiffy consummating their relationship… in public… in the daytime… on video… for eternity.

Pic: Instagram

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