Cologne Ambassador Ansel Elgort Loves The Way The Subway Smells 

August 6, 2018 / Posted by:

I’m sure Ralph Lauren had to go ride the horses extra far out in the Wyoming fields this morning because his new cologne poster boy, Ansel Elgort, gave out an interview talking of his favorite smells, and one isn’t exactly the kind of thing you’d want people to associate with your new $85 an ounce whore’s bath. Sure, he likes “normal” things like fresh rosemary and fresh laundry, but he also cops to liking the dreamy, dewy scent of…the subway?

The Cut got a hold of Ansel to talk about what makes his nostrils tingle. I had to take a Wikipedia break to make sure he wasn’t related to Gwyneth Paltrow or someone else in the GOOP executive level when he said happiness smells like orange juice but “fresh squeezed only. Sadness smells like Tropicana.” Ansel is apparently a citrus snob because he then takes it a step further by claiming regret smells of Minute Maid orange juice because it’s from concentrate and then this shit:

“Sometimes you even ask, and it comes out as concentrate. I can always tell. It’s not even the same drink, so why call it orange juice?”

I always thought regret smelled like the stranger in bed next to you the morning after a night of tequila and karaoke. I guess month-long depression smells like the case of Fanta out in my garage. Either way, I’m sure GOOP is busy sending over a gift basket to Ansel of jade vagina eggs and $900 cashmere handkerchiefs because they’ve never been prouder.

The head-scratcher in all this smell snobbery is when Ansel describes Monday morning smelling like a subway but then elaborating:

“The subway in all its glory. But that also smells different every season. I actually really like [the smell of the subway] too. I love it.”

I was on the verge of barfing in reading that Ansel finds joy in the human, cat, and dog piss and faint hint of rotten eggs cornucopia that is the official stank of mass transit. I actually barfed when I read the closer of him saying he probably smells incredible and “I just take it for granted.” That being said, “incredible” for Ansel could mean he just smells like a subway station trash can, so tuh-mate-oh, tuh-mot-oh!


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