It’s been over two years since the internet and the Beyhive opened up the case into figuring out the identity of the “Becky with the Good Hair” who took a ride on Jay-Z’s untrue dick while he was with Beyonce. The case has pretty much remained unsolved, but many think that Becky’s real name is Rachel Roy while others (read: Rita Ora and Rita Ora only) think it’s Rita Ora. Amber Rose picked up the cold case, dusted it off and after looking into it, she believes she really knows who Becky is. Detective Amber thinks that Jay-Z was knocking yoni eggs out of Goopy Paltrow’s steam tunnel of a cooze. The LAPD better put Detective Amber on an unpaid leave after I file a harassment claim against her for giving me the image of Goopy gooping all over Jay-Z’s dick. I’ve been attacked.
Amber was a guest on The Twit & Twat Hour (aka Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s podcast called Make Speidi Famous Again) and mouth burped up her theory about Jay-Z and Goopy. Detective Amber thinks that it’s suspect that Goopy was part of the Bey-Z inner circle and now seems to be on the outs.
“I definitely think that Gwyneth Paltrow is ‘Becky with the good hair … I feel like she’s the one who was, like, fucking Jay-Z. They were like friends, and then, like, you don’t see Gwyneth Paltrow with Beyoncé anymore. It just seems like she was the one that was fucking Jay-Z, and now Gwyneth lost her husband, but like Beyoncé’s still with Jay.”
Goopy’s rep tells People that the accusation is “absurd” and 100 percent false. A source also says that Amber was just joking.
Now, I’m not saying that Amber Rose isn’t as good of a detective as she is a champion for sluts, but her theory has more holes than my brain after reading an article on Goop. First of all, Lemonade (the album that Becky gets a shout out on) came out on April 23, 2016, and two months before that, Goopy posted an Instagram pic of Apple holding Blue Ivy’s hand at the Super Bowl. So either Beyonce found out Goopy was Becky not long after that pic was taken and rushed it into Lemonade, or Beyonce’s real forgiving about her friend fucking her man. Second of all, Beyonce describes Becky as having good hair. If Beyonce sang “Becky with the stringy straw mop that smells like $5000 albino whale cum and crushed canary diamonds,” then yeah, it would’ve been obvious she was talking about Goopy.