If your eye rolling muscle has a six-pack on it and you have Andy Cohen to thank for that, then you’ll probably want to find a way to miniaturize yourself so you can crawl into Britney Spears’ ear tunnel and live in her mind. Because in her mind, the don of the Real Housewives doesn’t exist and you’ll get to live in an Andy Cohen-free world where all you do is hump on the big, bag of muscles her pawpaw hired to be her boyfriend in a lake filled with Frappuccinos as Lisa Frank butterflies drop Slim Jim bits around you. It’ll be your heaven. Kathy Griffin probably said, “I want to go to there,” as soon as she heard “Andy Cohen-free world.”
Brit Brit’s lip-synching and arm-waving extravaganza stopped at Radio City Music Hall in NYC last night, and like she does during every show, she brought on an audience member to treat as her slave. The whole bit has the energy of a mashed potato and the sexiness of lukewarm tap water. But with that being said, it’s still sexier than any scene in Fifty Shades of Shit. Because of that harness, those young topless pieces, and the presence of Brit Brit, Andy Cohen probably thought he was in gay heaven. But it turned into a gay nightmare when it became clear that Brit Brit knew him as well as she knows vegetables that aren’t covered with gluten and fried. Once she was done with Andy and realized that people in the audience seemed to know who he is, she said, “I think you all know who this is. Give it up for him!” It’s like the sweet tea-ified “I don’t know her.”
If you’re lactose intolerant, you may want to skip this clip, because Andy delivers massive amounts of cheese with his face.
Before Andy was led away, Brit Brit really made it clear she doesn’t know who that is.
— T. Kyle (@tkylemac) July 25, 2018
Andy said on his SiriusXM show that his ego didn’t take a beating:
“My take on this is, first of all, why would Britney know my name? She’s Britney, bitch. I am a mortal and Britney is Britney.”
Andy’s right. Why would Brit Brit know who he is? Like she really melts her brain on the dumpster fire that is Bravo. We all know that Brit Brit only watches PBS. Now if Judy Woodruff was brought onto the stage in a harness, Brit’s mind would be no more, because it’d explode.
COMMENT NOTE: The tech team (my half-blind 16-year-old dog) is still working on the jacked-up commenting situation. My apologies. And if all else fails, we’ll do comments through carrier pigeons that yes, were trained by my half-blind 16-year-old dog.