McDonald’s Is Pulling Salads From 3000 Locations After A Parasite Outbreak

Mark it down in your calendars. Today is the single moment in history when it’s more likely that you’ll die eating a salad from McDonald’s than anything else. Take THAT vegans!

GrubStreet is reporting that Ronald McDonald done farmed the wrong lettuce. After a huge romaine lettuce E. coli outbreak finally was given the all clear back in May, the FDA has more bad news for lettuce-lovers. They released some statements saying they were investigating an outbreak of cyclosporiasis, which is an illness caused by an intestinal parasite. The FDA says the outbreak was “likely linked” to McDonald’s salads. In response, McDonald’s said on Friday that it was voluntarily removing all salads from the menu of 3,000 locations across 14 states. A spokesperson said: “Out of an abundance of caution, we decided to voluntarily stop selling salads at impacted restaurants until we can switch to another lettuce blend supplier.” “Abundance of caution” could also be worded to: “Avoid getting sued.”

The main area affected by this outbreak is in Illinois, where back in May the first cases were reported, and also in Iowa where the outbreaks started in June and July. More than 100 people reported gastrointestinal distress within the two states. Symptoms include: severe nausea, fatigue, and diarrhea lasting more than a week. Let me tell you, that sounds like what happens to me when I eat McDonald’s that ISN’T infected with disease. The CDC says that cyclospora are notoriously hardy and that the parasite is “unlikely to be killed by routine chemical disinfection or sanitizing methods.”

I gotta say, I feel vindicated by this. I have friends who get salads whenever we go out because it’s “healthier“and judge me as I shove fries down in my mouth. Now who looks silly? You know who will never have an intestinal worm due to bad lettuce? Me!

Pic: Instagram.