Call Maury: Owen Wilson Might Be A Dad Again

June 30, 2018 / Posted by:

Some lucky laboratory (or a producer on The Maury Show) is about to receive a semen sample with an easy-breezy drawl, a golden shag of California sun-kissed hair, and a suspiciously familiar broke dick nose. Hell, they won’t even have to do the test. UsWeekly reports that Owen Wilson is making his jizz available to determine if he’s a father for the third time.

Owen, 49, has reportedly been approached by some gal who says that her baby’s nose looks like someone savagely kicked a boner. Owen already has two sons by two different mothers so, being the male version of Fertile Myrtle (Breedy Petey?), he’s down for getting intimate with a cup in an examining room. And he’s supposedly more than ready to share that Zoolander 2 money (that kid should start applying for his college loans NOW).

“Owen has been a great father to his two boys and has maintained a warm and close relationship with their mothers,” the source tells Us. “Of course if a paternity test establishes that he is the father of another child, he will fulfill all of his obligations to support his child.”

Owen shares 7-year-old Robert Ford with ex-girlfriend Jade Duell, and 4-year-old Finn Wilson with his ex Carolyn Lindquist.

Owen’s a bareback ho, but he seems to be the responsible kind when it comes to his spawn. He’s also the kind of ho who knows he’s a ho so he’d rather break up with you than cheat on you which, well, that’s sort of refreshing? He ended things with Duell when she wasn’t down with his catting around then coming home to tuck her and the kid in. Hey, you never know until you ask.


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