Ben Affleck has risen like the phoenix on his back, honey. He is doing well. He is doing fine. He is flourishing. Or, at least, that’s what sources are trying extremely hard to convince us of. Hey, get in line, Ben! Brad was here first! Or maybe he’s just trying to keep Jennifer Garner happy?
A source, who is definitely NOT Ben’s publicist, told ET all about the beautiful love that is 45-year-old Ben and SNL Producer, 38-year-old Lindsay Shookus. The two have been dating for more than a year, so it’s time for the scheduled assertions that the relationship is a good one. Gotta love Hollywood. This is the step before the pregnancy rumors! EEK! My favorite part!
Ben and Jennifer–who share three children together: Violet, Seraphina and Samuel–had problems for years but officially filed for divorce in 2017. He and Lindsay started dating shortly after but had been spotted together for a few years before then. The source blurts out:
“Lindsay and Ben are very much in love. During Ben and Jennifer [Garner’s] split, Lindsay truly felt villainized. Every day she spent with Ben out in the world for people to see felt like another day of public scrutiny, but her love for Ben was worth it. They both learned to stick by each other during those painful months.”
Well, you know the cure for public scrutiny is backroom sources making statements to ET, so don’t worry too much, Lindsay. The source continued by discussing how sober Ben also is but how he isn’t sober enough to pop the question yet:
“Ben has worked incredibly hard on his sobriety and Lindsay has been his rock. He will be forever grateful for all her love and support. They are both constantly being asked if they are planning to tie the knot, but for now they taking it one day at a time…Ben knows he loves Lindsay, but he wants to take things slow for the sake of his sobriety. He’s actually been told to take it slow and he’s heeding that advice. Ben isn’t ready to propose and has no plans to get engaged anytime soon, but Lindsay feels he is worth the wait.”
Okay, I see you! There’s a bit of a preemptive strike going on here. Already laying the ground work for future marriage rumors, I see you. This is skill. Much better than Lindsay herself. Who is this highly-skilled source? Who? This source has experience. Kris Jenner? Kris Jenner are you freelancing now?
Oh, but they weren’t even finished:
“Ben’s work on himself has helped to turn his one-time painfully strained relationship with Jen around. They are so much happier and that enables them to co-parent very well. Their kids are thriving because of it. There has been a tremendous improvement in his relationship with his family. He’s spending a lot of time with the kids and Jen thinks he’s doing a great job. She wants to keep encouraging him and knows the importance of her children having both parents in their lives.”
Question: how fucking long were you on the phone with this source? Was this a text message exchange or did you just receive a full-on Press Release? I read all of the quotes in Ben’s Batman voice. We’re onto you, Ben!