Donald Trump Reportedly Wants To Pardon Martha Stewart

June 1, 2018 / Posted by:

Donald Trump is on a pardoning spree! Sure, he’s not pardoning the people that we thought might get a pardon. His list is more like who he’d like to invite to a Friday night slumber party.

In late April he pardoned former Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio. Last week he pardoned boxing champion Jack Johnson. Yesterday he issued a full pardon to Dinesh D’Souza, who pled guilty to the felony crime of illegal campaign contributions in 2014. Trump is considering issuing a pardon to former Governor and Celebrity Apprentice contestant Rod Blagojevich. And now he’s apparently thinking of pardoning Martha Stewart.

According to The New York Times (via Entertainment Weekly), Trump discussed the idea to issue a pardon to his former friend Martha Stewart during a press conference about Dinesh’s pardon yesterday. Trump believes that Martha didn’t get a fair shake and she deserves a do-over.

“I think to a certain extent Martha Stewart was harshly and unfairly treated. And she used to be my biggest fan in the world…before I became a politician. But that’s okay, I don’t view it that way.”

Oh, I’m so sure that’s a grudge Trump isn’t angrily holding onto. Actually, that’s probably not true; he’s got so many grudges on the go, and with his small little fists, you know he has to pick and choose which grudges he’s able to hold.

Trump would pardon Martha for the time in 2004 when she was convicted of conspiracy and obstruction of justice for lying to the FBI during an investigation into the ImClone insider trading case. She served five months in prison.

The NYT says that Trump’s pardon might not be motivated by his hope to be friends again with Martha. They believe that all of Trump’s recent pardons are actually a slap in the face to his enemies. For example, Martha was prosecuted by former FBI director James Comey. Trump fired James Comey in May 2017, one year after the FBI opened an investigation on Russia’s involvement in the 2016 Presidential election. Petty, thy name is Donald J. Trump.

The bigger question here is: does Martha even want a pardon? It’s not like she needs it. Old, napkin-folding, pie crust-crimping Martha would have maybe wanted a pardon. But new Martha, friend of Snoop Dogg, stopped giving a fuck a long time ago. Post-prison Martha is sort of her brand now. All those ice-cold WASP burns sound just so much badder coming from a convicted felon.


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