I, and presumably most people with a set of eyes, have always figured Kelly Preston has been recovering from acting ever since was robbed of an Oscar for her portrayal of a Nevada flight attendant opposite pre-GOOP Gwyneth Paltrow in View From The Top. Instead, she’s mainly just content being a mom and sitting on her throne at the Scientology bathhouse while husband John Travolta belts out show tunes and gets massages (many, many massages). Seems like the textbook definition of a happy, denial-filled marriage to me! But a new report now claims Kelly is Xenu Don Corleone in the Travolta household, and John’s too afraid to cross her, so that’s why he’s still in the church!
The Daily Beast is out with a new story from Cannes, and it spends the first part mainly marveling at how John and Kelly’s F-List Hallmark Channel of a movie about the Gotti family (called Gotti) went from being straight-to-TV to suddenly having its premiere at Cannes. I just figured it meant the ghost of L. Ron Hubbard worked some sorcery, but I guess John swindled the director of the film festival to let him debut the thing in France. The film is already getting panned, but the reporter draws parallels between John and Kelly and John and Victoria Gotti – namely, that both Victoria and Kelly have a policy of sticking their fingers in their ears and squealing “LA! LA! LA! LA!” when they’re hit with bad news of their men. For Kelly, it might have everything to do with her strict devotion to Scientology, per Mike Rinder, a former top spokesman for the church:
“Kelly is a much more dedicated Scientologist than John. Scientology dictates every choice in life and informs every decision a Scientologist makes.”
The reporter kind of zeroes in on how anti-gay the church is and that it’s kinda strange since John is so devoted but also, uh, known for a hand that flocks to male masseuse buns like a magnet to steel. Mike ain’t snitching on whether he thinks Kelly is an Abraham Lincoln-caliber beard to John, but Karen de la Carriere, who was a very powerful executive within the church and was even trained by L. Ron says John is a bad boy who likes “risky sexual adventures.” Karen adds that the reason Kelly sticks with him is because she was trained in the Donald Trump school of fake news:
“The church has a very intense indoctrination to prepare you for anything you might hear.It’s like a pre-emptive strike in case something uncomfortable comes up. Kelly’s been trained to not believe what she hears in the media. She’s been trained to think that these are evil people making things up.”
Similarly, I’ve been doing the same thing ever since they put caloric counts next to all my favorite menu items at Chick-fil-A. Also fake news! Anyway, the story basically says John would rather fly airplanes than stay in the church but “true believer” Kelly is what keeps them in. Funny, it was always my mom who was the one beating a pot and pan on Sunday morning to get all us hoodlums – dad included – awake and our asses out of bed in time to make it to the 11am service or else we’d face the wrath of God and a pissed off Southern woman. I’m sure Kelly does the same Sunday ritual – but maybe coaxes John out of bed with the promise that the Scientology choir will be singing “Hairspray” that morning and need someone to solo.