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May 25, 2018 / Posted by:

Army of Lovers!

In the year 1991, the Swedish trifecta of Eurodance eleganza known as Army of Lovers were the best dressed at the 2018 Met Gala without even knowing it. Army of Lovers was originally made up of Jean-Pierre Barda (the blossom on the left who bloomed in the same garden as Pete Burns), Camilla Henemark (the blossom in the middle who bloomed in the same garden as Pia Glenn), and Alexander Bard (the blossom on the right who looks like Philip Seymour Hoffman as a gay mime). They joined glamorous musical forces in Stockholm in 1987 and had some dance hits in the 90s.

Their biggest hit was the holy electronic dance psalm Crucified from 1991. I’m sure when God really wants to drop his ass and shake his shit in heaven’s club with his son and his son’s friends, he blasts this masterpiece. The video is also visual opulence from Jean-Pierre giving you AquaNet-encrusted love child of Pete Burns and Prince to Alexander looking like a grown Little Dutch Boy as a gay Amadeus to the waves of raw sex rolling off of Camilla. Not to mention that their eyebrow game would’ve swept the ’92 Olympics if eyebrow game was an Olympic sport. And Alexander truly brings the full body puckers with that gay triangle-shaped goatee and that immaculate mouth brow (aka a stache).

They also had a semi-hit with Obsession, but while the song wasn’t exactly a mega hit, the video was yet another work of artistic perfection. True story: Annie Lennox is a time traveler and in the early-80s, she time traveled to the 90s, became obsessed with Alexander’s look in this video and time traveled back to the early-80s to copy him.

From 1990 to 1994, Army of Lovers put out 4 studio albums. They put out many, many singles. Camilla was in and out of the group until 2013 when she left for good. She was replaced by both Dominika Peczynski and Michaela Dornonville de la Cour. The current line-up of Army of Lovers is Dominika, Jean-Pierre, and Alexander. They still do performances here and there for special occasions.

But if you ever want to see Army of Lovers’ work, all you really have to do is go to the Louvre. You’ll probably have to wait a few hours, but it’ll be worth it to see Army of Lovers’ videos playing on TV screens in front of a bulletproof glass wall. I hear that their videos are now playing in the room where that one painting, Mina Leslie, or something, once was.

Pic: Warner Bros.

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