Meghan Markle’s Dad Wants The Rest Of The Family To STFU

May 20, 2018 / Posted by:

The Markle family continues to entertain…. Daddy Thomas Markle was among the members of the now Duchess’ family that were acting crazy before the big day. And by “acting crazy,” I mean “selling her ass out.” Dad seems to have changed his tune. He’s publicly called for the Markles to close their mouths about the wedding and marriage. Dad must have realized that he needs to get it together if he ever wants to make it past the guards at Kensington Palace to see his daughter again.

To recap, Dad made his own grab for the attention spirit stick by flip-flopping about attending and getting paid to stage a corny photoshoot. He even got (elective?) heart surgery which prevented him from going and to keep the spotlight where it belonged – on him! (Prince Tampon walked Meghan down the aisle in his stead.)

TMZ (of course) spoke with Thomas post-ceremony. He expressed regret about “not being able to be there and not being able to hold my daughter’s hand.” More interestingly, he also expressed a wish for his other children to put it on mute.

Keep currying that favor with the new Duchess, Dad!

He says, “Now I pray that Harry and Meghan can go on a nice honeymoon and rest and relax, and all of my relatives will just shut up about everything.”

Thomas said that he texted his daughter his love and also noted how watching the wedding from his hospital bed made him feel feelings.

Thomas goes on, “My baby girl is a duchess and I love her so much.” He tells us watching the ceremony made him super nostalgic, saying, “When you watch your child get married, every thought goes through your mind, every memory from the first day she was born, the first time I held her.”

He says that he hasn’t been able to get the couple a wedding gift yet because he’s been laid up, but hopes to soon. I know the perfect gift for your daughter and her new husband. It’s the gift of never talking about them publicly ever again. It doubles as a gift to yourself because royal parties probably have the really good spinach dip and you might be invited to one if you took your own advice to STFU.

The wedding went on, and below you can watch the Duke and Duchess of Sussex exiting Windsor Castle and hopping into that totally busted hoopde to drive to their wedding reception below. Hmm, it’s a convertible. Can we assume the royal staff made sure ahead of time to sweep any debris from their planned route? Beheading would resume at the Tower of London if the new Duchess’ dress was marred by something as common and lowly as road dust or the windblown, discarded wrapper from a pack of Jaffa Cakes.

According to the royal tweet from Kensington Palace, their whip is a “silver blue Jaguar E-Type Concept Zero.”

This vehicle was originally manufactured in 1968, and has since been converted to electric power #RoyalWedding

The reception was hosted by Harry’s dad Prince Charles at Frogmore House. It’s a 17th century English country house a half-mile from Windsor Castle that the royals use to host events and throw parties. As for the reception itself, the Telegraph (via Popsugar) reports that the couples’ first dance was to Whitney’sI Want To Dance With Somebody” which surely made Nippy smile down from Diva Heaven. The bar served a signature ginger and rum cocktail called “When Harry Met Meghan” that was supposd to be a tribute to Harry’s firecrotch. Meghan reportedly gave a speech which was probably about his firecrotch, too. Speaking of firecrotches, celebratory fireworks were set off at 11 PM. Hopefully a professional handled those and not a drunken royal.

Pic: Getty

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