Dirty diapers are a known killer of marriages. Child of celebrity and former reality TV moppet Jack Osbourne, 32, and his wife Lisa, 31, are divorcing. The Blast reports that Lisa filed on Friday and cited “irreconcilable differences” as the reason. At least she was gracious and didn’t just type “in-laws.” Seriously, imagine having to hang out with that family? Sister Kelly Osbourne’s overly mouthy, you can’t understand a word father Ozzy Osbourne says, and family matriarch Sharon Osbourne sent feces to the people she doesn’t like via the US Postal Service. Scratch that. Hanging with Sharon might be fun. She seems feisty.
Lisa gave birth to the couple’s third child, daughter Minnie Theodora, on Feb 5. In her divorce filing, she lists May 4 as the date of their separation and asks for joint legal and physical custody of Minnie, as well as their other daughters Pearl Clementine, 6, and Andy Rose, 3.
She also filed to bar Jack from possibly being awarded spousal support, and wants him to pay her attorney fees. Can he afford all this? What does he do for a living? The parents have “Blizzard of Ozz” money, right? I know Mom works on The Talk. Does he get residuals from The Osbournes? Divorce isn’t cheap. Plus, Ozzy’s son has MS. It’s been a roller coaster for that family. Remember when Ozzy flipped the ATV?
Yesterday, Jack and Lisa released a joint statement on Instagram announcing that the “Crazy Train” had run over their marriage but assuring the world that they still love each other. Just not enough to do the whole “stay together for the kids” thing which is usually a blessing. Often the fights which parents think they’re having in secret are actually audible to the kids upstairs through the heating and AC ducts and they can totally hear them accuse each other of infidelity, not to mention forgetting Jimmy’s Pop Warner game, you bastard. Just split up, it’s nicer in the end.
“The news about us separating has probably come as a bit of a shock to everyone,” the statement begins. “First and foremost, we absolutely still love each other. Our family is the most important thing in our lives, and we tried everything we could for many years to make this work.”
The statement concluded, “What’s best for our family right now is that we separate lovingly, and remain best friends who are committed to raising our children together. … We are disappointed but feel confident that we will continue to grow our relationship as co-parents and best friends.”
They married in a beachfront ceremony on Hawaii’s Big Island in October 2012. In an effort to spin a slight amount of gold from divorce straw, at least they didn’t marry there this particular week?