Kris Jenner Will Sue You Even If You’re Broke

May 16, 2018 / Posted by:

Pimp Mama Kris finds a way to monetize everything, even her search for a new assistant. She’s doing press for her partnership with Bumble Bizz, which is a “networking” offshoot of the dating app, but I just think it’s another way to find someone to bone.

Kris talked to HuffPo about finding a new minion, and somehow in the puff piece about that, we found out something we already knew: Satan’s proudest creation isn’t afraid to drag your broke soul to court if you do something she doesn’t like. 

HuffPo brought up how Kylie Jenner spent an episode of last season’s Keeping Up With The Kardashians thinking an employee was trying to take photos of her before she announced she was pregnant. Kris wanted the person struck from the payroll and sent to the slammer, and it doesn’t sound like she regrets any of that Lady Don Corleone stuff making it on air:

“Unfortunately, there are some bad people out there who have not good intentions. And, you know, I obviously can’t control that. But to the best of my ability, we try to have people on our team who have our back, who we feel that we can really trust.”

If Kris can’t get Alcatraz to reopen to house everyone who has ignored the blood oath and NDAs she hands out like Tic-Tacs in Calabasas, she has other tricks up her demon Balmain sleeves. Kris claims she ain’t got no time for “when something needs to be protected and somebody else doesn’t understand the importance of that.” Unless it’s a sex tape that can vault you to the fame stratosphere, but that’s for a different day!

Kris said she’ll sue your ass so hard that your great-great-great-great-great grandchildren in 2783 will be working a shift at Pluto Starbucks just to pay her off. She will still be alive, rocking the same plastic face, and will still have her claw out for the next payment.

“We obviously will go to and spare [raises voice] no expense to hold somebody accountable if that happens on our team. I don’t care how much money somebody might have ― if they have nothing. Some people think, ‘Oh, I don’t have any money, and they’re not going to sue me.’ Well, we’ll take payments.’ We’ll garner those wages for, you know, the next 10 years. But I just think that people don’t think. It’s a foolish thing to do.”

Dollars, Euros, Yen, EBT, Monopoly money, buttons…you got it, Kris is gonna kollect it! I wonder how many Make America Great Again hats she made Kanye West pony up for breaking the rules and tweeting out a photo of his house with Kim Kardashian!


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