Taylor Swift’s latest stalker made like Goldilocks at her NYC brownstone on Friday. TMZ reports that Roger Alvarado broke into her house, took a shower, and then napped! In this crazy criminal’s defense, she probably has an artificially intelligent shower with multiple heads that does your masturbating for you and a mind-blowingly cushy bed because the mattress is stuffed with puppy dreams and unicorn kisses.
Alavardo reportedly broke into “The House That Katy Perry Built” by using a ladder to climb up to a window, and shattering it “with his hand.” You know it’s code red when the stalker isn’t afraid of pain.
Luckily, Taylor wasn’t home.
A witness spotted Alvarado breaking in and called cops. He was arrested inside the home and charged with stalking, burglary and criminal mischief.
Taylor bought the brownstone only a few months ago and doesn’t reside there yet.
She’s got a whole pack of crazies bugging her lately. Earlier this month, a romantic type knocked over a bank for her. Another dude recently got probation despite threatening to off her family. This is the part of fame where you actually start to pity the celebs.
But how about that crack security team? You would assume that Taylor would have the very best that money could buy, right? This is a woman who stared down Apple and bossed Instagram around. It’s shocking that she didn’t order Trump to have the National Guard staking out her stoop. Actually, she doesn’t require the National Guard. All she needs to do is have her cover of “September” play when someone rings her doorbell. Even the window puncher dude who doesn’t feel pain would have fled in terror.