Open Post: Hosted By Victoria Beckham’s Non-Cake Birthday Cake

April 18, 2018 / Posted by:

Victoria Beckham turned 44 yesterday, and she celebrated like any normal person would, with cake! Except since it’s Posh Spice, a woman who looks like she gets the heaves when she passes the butter in the grocery store, her version of cake isn’t actually cake.

Posh showed us a few years ago that her preferred delivery system for birthday wishes is with a plate of fruit. And it would appear not much has changed; Posh Instagrammed a video of her birthday celebration yesterday, and she’s still got fruit. Except some evil person played a trick on Posh by arranging the fruit into the shape of a cake. Also, please enjoy who is most likely Harper Beckham singing like a British child choir.

I’ve seen watermelon cakes before, which I refuse to acknowledge as a cake, because to me, fruit and Cool Whip is technically more of a cruel, food-based prank. So Posh can keep her plate of fruit. Although I doubt she kept much of it. It was a kind gesture, but it just looks too much like a cake still. Posh didn’t get that nickname for nothing; she thinks cake is for toddlers and unsophisticated tourists at the Times Square Applebee’s. But that’s not to say she didn’t indulge. I bet the bottom of that candle had some delicious watermelon juice on the end that she slurped off, before dabbing at the corners of her mouth and giggling at her own sheer gluttony.

Pic: Instagram

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