And The Pulitzer Prize for Investigative Reporting Goes To….

March 21, 2018 / Posted by:

You know the answer to that without me telling you. The answer should always be: the highly-esteemed literary journal of this generation The Daily Mail.

After we were all hit in the face with a slimy ball of random in the form of the rumor that Donald Trump Jr. fucked Aubrey O’Day while his wife was pregnant with their third child, the Columbia-educated investigative journalists at The Daily Mail went to work to look for proof of their affair. They may have found some. If you’re Quentin Tarantino, this story and pictures will test your slobbery love of feet. If you’re not Quentin Tarantino, this story and pictures will test your ability to hold down barf. Because this post contains at least one picture of Jabba the Trump Jr.’s hoof.

Don Jr. and Aubrey supposedly started doing each other at the end of 2011 and broke up around March 2012. The Daily Mail went through Aubrey’s twatter feed and found a tweet from March 2012 where her “babe” is protecting her feet from “bunion attacks.” Aubrey really typed the words “True Love Feet.” Besides Don Jr., this is the worst thing that Aubrey O’Day has ever done, and that’s saying a lot since she also did the Trump-ified remix of Somebody That I Used To Know. Feet love + Aubrey O’Day + Donald Trump Jr. = your gag reflex doesn’t stand a chance.

The investigative journalists at the Mail continued to earn that Pulitzer by finding pictures of Don Jr.’s bare feet. They found one of him on a fishing trip. They compared Don Jr.’s foot to the foot of Aubrey’s mystery man in her tweet:

This scene is going to play out in a psychiatrist’s office next week:

Me: I’m here because I’m going to need you to write me a prescription for Celexa, Lexapro, Prozac, Zoloft, Effexor, Abilify, Vicodin and anything else that will burn the memories in my brain.

Psychiatrist: I can’t do that. I’ll lose my license. What do you want all that for?

Me: I stared at two pictures of Donald Trump Jr.’s feet for a full minute.

Psychiatrist: Take my whole prescription pad now and write whatever you want! My God be with you.

Let’s just say that Aubrey O’Day isn’t loving all of the attention… It would explain why she now looks like a tube of Bronzer after being pressed in a Kardashian mold. Aubrey knew the world was going to find out that she probably boned Donald Trump Jr. and didn’t want anyone to recognize her.


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