A Teen Girl Allegedly Snapped Her Retainer Lusting After Michael B. Jordan In “Black Panther”
I ended up falling right into Marvel’s thirst trap, just like the every other horny ho I know, when I finally took my ass to see Black Panther. While Danai Gurira is the one that had me siding a few notches sideways on the Kinsey Scale, I was not immune to the particular charms of Michael B. Jordan and his perfectly swole pectorals. Even my 70-year-old auntie came to me in a flush asking where that sexy young man with the bumps on his chest came from and where could she see more of him. So I’m not surprised that Michael has been causing high school children’s hormones to act a fool. One girl allegedly got so hot and bothered, she bit down so hard she snapped her retainer!
An orthodontist posted a story on Tumblr about one of his patients working herself up into such a froth that she busted her retainer when she saw Killmonger prepare for battle. He wrote (via Daily Dot):
“one of my patients came in for an emergency visit, because she snapped the wire on her retainer watching the movie when MBJ took his shirt off she clenched her teeth so fucking hard she snapped it. that is the fucking funniest shit ever to me this tiny 17 year old girl thirsting so goddamn hard she busted steel.”
As most things do, the post ended up on Twitter.
I WHEEZED pic.twitter.com/6aRep1AWXN
— mia (@lvstbleu) March 4, 2018
Which in turn led to the girl, 18-year-oldold Sophia Robb, to see the post and recognize he was talking about her.
Wait. That girl is me. That is my orthodontist’s tumblr. This is a post about me? I’m going to kill myself https://t.co/ErDqESPrWj
— Sophia (@pixyrue) March 5, 2018
According to BuzzFeed, Sophia said of the incident:
“So it was the scene where Killmonger took his shirt off for the battle to become king of Wakanda. I pressed my tongue against my permanent retainer and clenched my jaw so hard that the wire disconnected from my teeth.”
Obviously a lot of people can relate. Whatever the sound of 50 grown women falling the fuck out at once is, that’s the sound I heard in the theater during that scene. Personally, I think I may have bent my IUD because there was so much contraction and expansion going on “down there” for the duration.
But since Twitter is a cesspool (with occasional delights), things took a turn when people started harassing the orthodontist for violating HIPAA (he didn’t ) and concerned strangers worried that Sophia’s mention of killing herself was in earnest (it wasn’t).
The phrasing of my retweet was wrong, and I didn’t say it expecting this many people to see it. That was my mistake. But I promise I am in no danger to myself! Please do not worry my parents by calling the police. They literally went to my house
— Sophia (@pixyrue) March 6, 2018
And the nail in the tiny blue bird’s coffin was when concerned strangers started questioning her race (BuzzFeed identified her as “bi-racial”).
hey yeah lets retweet that but what we NOT finna do is ignore the fact that I am NOT white and ignore the fact that my ortho did NOTHING WRONG i exposed MYSELF he is a good man and he deserves a raise
— Sophia (@pixyrue) March 5, 2018
All in all, Sophia seems to be handling her 15 minutes of being famously horny with aplomb. And the story has a happy ending, Michael B. Jordan made her dreams come true by following her and offering to buy her a new retainer!
.@pixyrue since I feel partly responsible for breaking your retainers ??♂️ let me know if I can replace them ?
— Michael B. Jordan (@michaelb4jordan) March 6, 2018
Now I just need to find a way to get him to replace my IUD. PERSONALLY. WITH HIS MOUTH.