Kevin Smith Was Very Worried About His Small Dick During His Heart Attack Ordeal

February 28, 2018 / Posted by:

Kevin Smith went on Facebook Live to offer more details about his heart attack and it turns out the only thing scarier to Kevin than death itself, is the thought of people looking at his little dick. And since he had to get crotch shaved like John Cena to get a life-saving LAD stent put in, a whole bunch of people got a good look at his tootsie roll. And now you’ve pictured it too, and for that I’m terribly sorry.

According to Huffington Post, Kevin said:

“I’ve gone out of my way my whole life to not let my dick be fucking seen,” he added. “Never wanted to go to a hospital or a doctor for that very reason. Don’t want to be judged, obviously small.”

Kevin said he was so hung up on not getting dick-shamed that he had the wherewithal to use his shirt as a “modesty rag” during the procedure even though he could have died at any moment. In addition to admitting he’s hung like a Cheeto, Kevin also addressed the backlash against Chris Pratt’s T’s and P’s and being fat shamed. Of Chris Pratt, Kevin said:

Pratt “put up a nice tweet where he’s just like, ‘Hey, man, I don’t know you that much … but I’m praying for you,’” Smith said. “And apparently some people were like, ‘Fuck your prayers’ and attacked him.”

“Please don’t fight over stuff like that,” Smith said. “It’s a waste of time.”

Kevin also addressed people that blamed him for the heart attack because he was fat before. Kevin’s lost a lot of weight since being told he was too fat to fly by Southwest Airlines back in 2010.

“I lost about 85 to 90 pounds since then. I went through lifestyle changes, and some shit don’t matter,” he said. “Some shit you just can’t beat because it’s genetic.”

Overall, Kevin was very upbeat and positive. He said that he really appreciated the outpouring of support he’s received (including those moderated by Jesus) and that it was a little bit like “reading your eulogy”. And while he doesn’t want to die, he’s not scared of death anymore. But don’t you dare try to look at his hamster rod!


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