Hot Slut Of The Day!
The McTickle Sponge Feather from Happy Meals in 1982!
Today we learned that the Happy Meal is about to become the Sad Meal. Because McDonald’s announced that they’re going to continue healthy-izing the Happy Meal. THANKS (Michelle) OBAMA! By June of this year, all Happy Meals will have less than 600 calories and no more than 650 milligrams of salt. They’ve already switched out Minute Made juice for organic Honest Kids juice, and put a bag of apple slices in every Happy Meal. The Washington Post says that soon, a bottle of water will be in every single Happy Meal, a chocolate milk with less sugar will be an option and McDonald’s will push more disgusting shit like fresh fruits and vegetables. Also, the fries that come with the Chicken McNuggets Happy Meal will be smaller.
But the biggest news is that cheeseburgers will no longer be an option. They have to be specially requested. McDonald’s says that they’re trying to make Happy Meal options healthier.
While some are raising an Honest Kids juice box to McDonald’s trying to make kids more healthy, I’m not! Going to McDonald’s for healthy food is like going on Grindr to find a serious relationship. As a kid, my mom, who never let us have any fun food, would only take us to McDonald’s for special occasions or if she had no other choice. So whenever she took us to McMcDonald’s, I busted out a fireworks show on the inside because I knew I was about to fuck myself up and shorten my life expectancy with some delicious-tasting trash. But kids today won’t get to feel that wonderful feeling of a beef-flavored lard patty and chemical cheese clogging up their arteries, because soon Happy Meals will be filled with a turmeric shot, an alfalfa sprout and seaweed wrap and a knock-off mini FitBit as a toy, which leads me to today’s HSOTD…
As I was doing research on the history of the Happy Meal, my eyes landed on some shit that further proves that Ronald McDonald is fucked-up. Just three years after McDonald’s started selling the Happy Meal in 1979, they stuffed their kids meal with some Fifty Shades of Yellow shit. The toy was a foam sponge that was shaped like a “tickle feather” and was supposed to be used to tickle your friends with. You learn something new every day, like finding out that David D’Amato from the documentary Tickled (which you should watch if you haven’t already) was probably in charge of Happy Meal toys in the early-80s. Last year a local news channel put together a Peabody Award-worthy report about the tickle feather sponge.
Those were the days… when the toys were weird and the food was beautiful garbage. Although, Happy Meal toys are still a mess. Current Happy Meals are filled with a Peter Rabbit toy, and we all know about his wrong ass.
Pic: YouTube