Melania Trump Reportedly “Blindsided” By Stormy Daniels Revelations And Is Making Herself Scarce

January 30, 2018 / Posted by:

Melania Trump isn’t your typical FLOTUS. She’s been over it since before it began. There’s a reason that body double story had legs, it confirmed what we already know about her: She don’t want to be there. And ever since the Stormy Daniels story broke, she’s been making herself scarcer than hen’s teeth (or equivalently folksy Slovenian proverb). And so, according to The New York Times, she did what any normal rich lady would do in the situation. She hopped on Air Force one headed to the spa for a mani-pedi.

The Times reports:

Over the past week, Melania Trump, a notoriously private first lady, made three very public decisions: She canceled a trip abroad with the president, made an impromptu visit to the Holocaust Memorial Museum and flew to Mar-a-Lago, where she spent part of her short trip relaxing at the spa.

The Times claims Melania was “blindsided” by the news that her husband, with whom she has a “cozy” relationship, had arranged for a $130,000 dollar payment to Stormy. Was she, though? Maybe it was that fact that Stormy was only able to negotiate such a paltry sum that had her shook. Or maybe she was shocked to learn that Donald allowed himself to be spanked without letting her get in the first whollup. We may never know the secret thoughts of Melania Trump but as they say, “Molk je znak priznanja*”, am I right?!

You would think being married to Donald Trump would make a person impervious to all manner of insults and indignities but it sounds like the scrutiny may actually be getting to Melania. Even though she reportedly hardly ever stays at The White House (preferring the hum of the ice machine at the La-Quinta Inn over listening to Trump fart and mumble Russian in his sleep) and cancelled her trip to Davos, her latest attempt at playing Runaway Bride is the Trumpiest one yet. After her spa day at Mar-A-Lago (which cost the tax-payers an estimated $64,600) there was a big fundraiser that she skipped out on, disappointing a number of guests.

Attendees at a safari-themed fund-raiser held at the resort on Friday had hoped for an impromptu visit by the first lady, but were told Mrs. Trump had left just before the event began. In her stead, guests had to be satisfied with a giant portrait of the first lady, which failed to quickly sell at auction. (A portrait of Mr. Trump sold for $17,500.)

So, the obvious question now is will she show up for her husband’s big State Of The Union speech tonight? It’s kind of a big deal and her not showing up would be highly unusual. When asked if she would show, Melania’s spokesperson said “that is the plan”. That’s the type of shit I say when I don’t actually plan on doing something and already have an elaborate excuse in my back pocket to get me out of it. If she is there, I would keep a close eye on her nose, mouth and eyes because I wouldn’t put it past her to sneak in that Melania Real Doll in her stead.

*Silence gives consent


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