Open Post: Hosted By Diet Coke’s New Millennial Bait

January 10, 2018 / Posted by:

The only thing people up here in Boston love more than a laaaahge Dunkin iced coffee and a scratch-off to go with a morning cigg is a flavored fizzy water, and apparently Millennials are also into that shit (minus the smokes, scratchies, and Dunkies). Diet Coke is taking note, which is why those cans are getting a new lewk and getting more flavors – La Croix, call a lawyer! This is some Single White Female shit!

Eater says even though the only thing Donald Trump loves more than wiping his ass with a mainstream newspaper is a Diet Coke, the company is actually going after young blood who need options in everything they do — even their low-cal soda. So the cans are getting svelte, and the soda itself is going to come in different flavors: Ginger Lime, Twisted Mango, Feisty Cherry, and Zesty Blood Orange. Fantanas, dial your lawyer too! This is again some Single White Female shit!

Parent company Coca-Cola claims that it spoke to 10,000 people and took several years to test out some concepts before arriving at flavors that could have just as easily been discovered for less money by going to a local 7-11 and opening a package of Starburst. A Diet Coke rep put it this way:

“Millennials are now thirstier than ever for adventures and new experiences, and we want to be right by their side. We’re contemporizing the Diet Coke brand and portfolio with sleek packaging and new flavors that are appealing to new audiences.”

No shit they are. The Tinder and Grindr swipe-a-dick biz is booming, but I guess that’s a different kind of thirst. The new Diet Coke hits shelves later this month, but don’t fret: the Vicki Gunvalson OG Diet Coke will still be around and for sale to sip white wine and shriek at the new bitches taking up space in your fridge. Check out the new “thirst trap” below:

Pic: Coca-Cola

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