Starbucks Is Coming To Yosemite, And People Are Steamed

January 9, 2018 / Posted by:

If you always thought those lame-ass family vacations to Yosemite National Park would have been improved tenfold with a unicorn latte while gazing out at the granite cliffs of El Capitan, you’re in luck! Starbucks looks like it could be bringing its heathen cups to the national park and many aren’t happy. There’s now a petition to halt the first latte from getting poured. I guess Yosemite fans prefer a Dunkaccino?

SFGate reports the national park’s frequent visitors are pissed at the thought of lattes getting served at a Starbucks within the Yosemite Lodge. That espresso can get steamed over at Ol’ Faithful in Yellowstone! Stay on brand, Yosemite! A petition has started (of course) after some hawk eye noticed a job listing for a Starbucks Store Manager. The petition bemoans the thought of overpriced coffee and acoustic pop soundtracks ruining their natural experience:

“Multinational corporations have no place in our National Parks. The Park will lose its essence, making it hardly distinguishable from a chaotic and bustling commercial city.”

Nearly 12,000 people have signed the petition, saying Starbucks is “a glaring slide down a slippery slope.” The goal is to hit 15,000 in order to stop the Yosemite Lodge from looking like the Paramus Mall food court on Black Friday, I guess? Or worse…DISCOUNT SHOPPING. One petitioner aired his grievances:

“If this is approved I am concerned that it could lead to a grocery store sponsored by Walmart or a mountain shop that will turn into a satellite REI.”

Now, there wouldn’t be anything worse for our national parks than getting littered by those stupid smiley stickers the greeters at Walmart pass out. OK, maybe there is something worse. But it sounds like you can sign petitions ‘til the Bic runs dry, but the powers in charge of Yosemite are dead set on getting their venti Veranda blend.

The park’s hospitality manager said it isn’t even a freestanding café. It’s part of efforts to remodel the whole food court at the park, which (sorry, Yosemite campers) is PHENOMENAL. I hated when we would go to national parks, and the only thing to eat were those extremely organic orange peanut butter crackers that had your dentist dreaming of a home addition with each bite. Bring on the money-hungry chains!


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