Call Me By My First Name: Brad Pitt’s Rulz For Flirting

January 3, 2018 / Posted by:

Somebody’s job is to sit outside of Coffee Commissary in Los Angeles and wait for famous people to walk in, follow them inside and and get in line behind them so they hear what kind of latte they prefer. On a good day, the famous person will do something out of the ordinary like talk to another patron. Somebody had a good day recently and Page Six now has all the details about Brad Pitt’s current pick-up game. Were you aware that Brad Pitt likes to give his actual first name, William, when chatting up strangers?! It all happened at the aforementioned coffee shop.

According to Page Six

“He arrived by motorcycle, wearing sunglasses, jeans and a leather jacket,” a spy tells us. Pitt struck up a conversation with a blonde in line: “She was acting overly bubbly and looked a little like Kate Bosworth, but it wasn’t her,” our spy says.

When the woman said, “I’m Lydia,” Pitt “put out his hand and said, ‘Hi, I’m William.’ She replied, ‘Oh, you look like a Bradley.’ And he responded, ‘Well, that’s my middle name’ and smiled and winked at her.”

Pitt, what you playing at? Everybody knows your fucking face. You couldn’t flirt undercover among the uncontacted tribes of Peru without getting called out. Some of those tribes may have never seen a white man in real life but they know who your baby momma is because she probably tried to adopt one of their babies when nobody was looking.

Page Six’s Littlefinger reports the following conclusion.

As Lydia exited she said, “‘Nice to meet you, Bradley … I mean William.’ He laughed to himself, then got on his bike.”

Woman of Hollywood: Be on alert for this man who goes by William. He looks just like Brad Pitt but without all the baggage. He’s rich and good looking. Here’s his active dating profile.

Name: William Bradley

Occupation: Potterer

Kids: A few (winking face)

Marital Status: Divorced. From reality! (winking face)

Likes: Nature, Frank Ocean, Actual Ocean, Redwood trees, Grass (winking face), Hard Work, Cinema, My Hog

Dislikes: Fake People, Inequality, Baths, January, Tabloids, The Laundromat

If William should approach you, do NOT, I REPEAT, do NOT call him Brad or acknowledge in any way that he is not the man he is pretending to be. It will confuse and anger him. Just play dumb and get that dick!


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