Congratulations To John Stamos For Getting The Cover Of People Magazine (Oh Yeah, And Also For Making A Baby With His Fiancée) 

Just a month ago, John Stamos declared that he, John Stamos, is ready to bestow his precious jizz onto some lucky ovary eggs. And today, John Stamos graciously shared his face with the masses to announce that he did bestow his precious jizz onto some lucky ovaries eggs belonging to his fiancée whose name doesn’t really matter since this is all about John Stamos!

54-year-old John Stamos tells People that his 31-year-old fiancée Caitlin McHugh is pregnant with their first kid. I haven’t read all of John Stamos’ cover interview, but from what’s been put online, it seems like he mostly talks about himself and how he’s becoming a first time dad a year before he’s able to move into a 55+ community. Many thought that John Stamos would go through life without gracing humanity with more of his genes, but he says he’s always wanted to be a father and didn’t think it would ever happen. But it has and soon people will look at him and his child and say, “Is that your sibling, because you look way too young to be a dad!”

“I always wanted to be a dad. Clearly I had to do some work on myself first. I have a youthful thing. People say, ‘Oh, you look young.’ You start believing you’re gonna live to be 150. And then you wake up and go, ‘No, man, this is it. This is not a rehearsal.’ … People would say, ‘You should have a child.’ I was like, ‘That ship has sailed.’”

John and Caitlin got engaged at Disneyland in October, and judging by her Instagram, she really, really loves Disney shit. So her baby should prepare themselves for a Disney-themed name like Queen Elsa or Goofy. Or maybe that kid will be lucky enough to get a name like John Stamos Jr. if it’s a boy and John Stamos Jr. if it’s a girl.

But seriously, I’d much rather read about John Stamos slobbering on about John Stamos than hear oh-so-charming stories about how he and a look-alike friend pulled a gross switcheroo on a woman without her knowing. Caitlin is totally going to get a prenatal paternity test now.

Pic: People