Pamela Anderson Reportedly Tried To Get Mike Pence To Pardon Julian Assange

November 30, 2017 / Posted by:

Because we live in the Upside Down from Stranger Things, Pamela Anderson is now trying to lead diplomatic talks on behalf of someone the U.S. wants to send to jail for espionage. Current U.S. leadership is particularly susceptible to a little T&A distraction, she actually might get what she wants. Page Six says Pam was filming a PSA (hopefully not another against Uber) at a hotel in Manhattan when she realized Mike Pence was also at the same address. Considering how Pam is suddenly on a crusade against porn, I’m sure she had a lot to talk about with Mike. But only if his wife is there, too!

Actually, sources say that Pam decided to Fembot her way past the Secret Service to the VP to try and get a pardon for her maybe-boo thang/poetic muse and Wikileaks founder Julian Assange. A witness makes it sound like she almost even got somewhere with it:

“The Secret Service agent practically swooned and fainted when she walked up to him and started pressing her finger on his badge. Pam said, ‘I’d like to meet the vice president.’… The agent did get it together enough to politely refuse, saying the vice president was busy.”

Pam, an apparent legal scholar these days, basically confirmed the story:

“I wanted to thank [Pence] for supporting protection of sources for journalists. He is heralded for co-sponsoring proposals for a ‘federal shield law,’ which I deeply admire. This action would have allowed journalists to keep confidential sources secret — even if the government requested them… I really wanted to mention this — it is a topic close to my heart. Julian Assange deserves a pardon, and I thought I might be able to help. Julian is a hero to most of the world’s youth and free-minded thinking people. America needs to be on the right side of history.”

This should (but likely won’t) shut up those conspiracy theorists who thought Pam was out to kill Julian with her vegan food. But keep in mind: Mikey can’t issue pardons. Only Donald Trump can. Pam, you are so barking up the wrong tree. The only thing that might be able to seduce Mike Pence is a refill of his Ovaltine. If you want to get Julian an actual pardon, tweet the president a “tasteful” photo of you in something sheer and flutters your eyes. How else do you think Vladimir Putin wooed Trump?!


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