Afternoon Crumbs

November 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Star Magazine wants us to think that Nicole Kidman took pole dancing lessons and gives Keith Urban a hot show in their bedroom. What lies. First of all, it would be hard for Nicole to give Keith a full pole show when her icy fingers stick to metal every time she touches it. Second of all, I think Keith is the one giving Nicole a hot show. Just thinking of him whipping his frosty locks around as he works that pole is taking me to loin-tingling places – Celebitchy

Remind me not to see the mostly-silent horror movie A Quiet Place on an empty stomach, because I do not need to be that trick whose stomach growls all loud-like in that quiet ass theater – Lainey Gossip

Every Lhaso Apso in the world should sue Kyle Richards for stealing their signature hairstyle – Reality Tea

Danny Masterson’s rape accusers are still speaking out, as Netflix continues to stay quiet, because Scientology has gotten to them, or like everyone else, they forgot they had a show called The RanchPajiba

Meanwhile, Trump is instructing his minions to put a giant “Grab ‘Em By The Pussy” sticker on the back of Air Force One – Towleroad

Someone’s kink is definitely seeing Barbara Palvin as a terrifying lollipop clown jack-in-the-box – Drunken Stepfather

Margot Robbie is a pair of Doc Martens, a fake anarchy tattoo and a bomber jacket away from looking like every girl in my 8th grade class – Popoholic

Sylvester Stallone, who was once accused of paying off the half-sister he allegedly abused for years, denies raping a 16-year-old in 1986 – AV Club

Emily RideAJetski is giving you bored mannequin with a backache – Hollywood Tuna

Bill Hader and Maggie Carey, his wife of 11 years, are getting a divorce. If this shit goes the way most celebrities splits have been going lately, then I’m sure we’ll find out that she left him after he got caught fucking the 18-year-old nanny and kicking their new pet puppy – Just Jared

Rest in peace, Wendy PepperVulture


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