George Takei Thinks The Russians Are Responsible For The Sexual Assault Allegations Against Him

November 13, 2017 / Posted by:

On Friday, the internet’s lovable uncle George Takei instantly became the uncle everyone actively avoids one-on-one time at Thanksgiving dinner after a former model accused him of sexual assault in 1981. George denied the accusations made by Scott R. Brunton, and said that he doesn’t even know Scott and never did anything wrong. George is trying to figure out why such an accusation was made in the first place. According to George, it was Russian bots!

Anyone with even the smallest amount of familiarity of George Takei’s social media habits knows he’s vocal about LGBT issues. He has also been critical of Trump’s eurocrush Vladimir Putin, specifically his LGBT policies. The New York Daily News says that yesterday, George tweeted (then deleted) that he believes Russian bots are retaliating against him by actively spiking interest in the sexual assault allegations against him.

That explanation paints a picture of George standing in front of a messy wall of pictures and newspaper clippings connected by strings. I would love to hear George explain his conspiracy theory further. My guess is that he believes “Scott R. Brunton” is a made-up name for a hacker in Moscow named Sacha R. Barinov who still blames Sulu for killing that adorable Alpha 177 space pup after he just had to bring it aboard the USS Enterprise.

While George Takei was gathering evidence in his defense, a clip from Howard Stern was bought up. Last month George spoke to Howard about the recent influx of sexual harassment and assault allegations in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein exposé. During their interview, Howard remarked that the irony of the situation is that Trump ended up in the White House after he bragged about grabbing pussy.

Both Howard and Robin Quivers then jokingly asked George if he’s ever grabbed someone by the dick. George remained silent, which lead to the extremely awkward moment of Howard and Robin implying his silence said all that needed to be said. Howard proceeded to ask George if he ever sexually harassed anyone, and he answered:

“[Laughs] Some people that are kind of, um, skittish, or maybe afraid, and you’re trying to persuade.”

Robin asked George if this grabbing happened at work, to which he replied it wasn’t, and that it took place “in my home.” Howard asked George if his method was to give a gentle squeeze on the balls to some guy who was hesitant about having sex, and George dialed up the gross factor by answering that it was “More than gentle.

George maintained he’s not in the wrong, because it was about sex and not about power. However, he killed his own defense by bragging that he forced an extra on the set of Star Trek to give him a blow job.

I wonder how George will spin this one? He can’t use that excuse about it not being about power. Because nothing says “extreme pressure” like using your hands as a non-consensual Vise-Grip on someone’s balls.


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