Hot Slut Of The Day!
The giant wood dick that was erected on Mount Oetscher in south-western Lower Austria!
I should put on a heavy-duty metal and plastic neck brace on before I type the next sentence, because the ghost of my Catholic abuelita is going to want to take an invisible chancelta to my throat for even having this thought. But the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio is hanging his head low and has dropped his arms today, because thousands of miles away is a statute that is a million times more glorious, stands much more erect and makes many more people scream, “SANTO DIOS!”
Metro says that 6,211 feet high atop Mount Oetscher in the Austrian Alps is a giant wooden boner that is pointing straight up for the peen gods. Blogger Marika Roth came across it (not like that, Marika’s not me!) while hiking, and she shared pictures on Facebook of the biggest dick to come out of Austria since Arnold Schwarzenegger. Many, including the Oetscher ski lift operators, are wondering how that timber cock got up there. Did two gold medal-worthy power bottoms with extra-strength assholes do ass to ass with that thing and then carry it on up there with their butts? Did a bunch of dick-loving woodpeckers carve that beautiful thing out of a trunk? Is it truly a gift from God?!
The Poke thinks that maybe the wooden dick of Oetscher was created because of a Finnish pastime called “leirikyrpä” (camp cock), which involves campers passing the time by carving dildos out of wood. Just thinking of camping gives me hives, but now I suddenly want to go camping in Finland. Splinters to my culo be damned.
The ski lift operators have put out a message to the cock carvers, asking them to please secure their creation so it doesn’t topple over in a windstorm or something. Yeah, that could be dangerous…unless you’re hiking with a major peen lover. If you and I are ever hiking in the Austrian Alps together and a strong wind knocks that beautiful piece of wood over and it comes plummeting toward us, just scream, “Quick! Michael catch that dick with your mouth or ass!”
Pic: Marika Roth/Facebook (For DionFlowerBoy)