Marky Mark Prays That God Forgives Him For “Boogie Nights”

October 24, 2017 / Posted by:

Boogie Nights is a jewel of a movie that is a precious gift to us all. It gave us so many perfect things like Philip Seymour Hoffman in a three sizes too small 70s freakum tank, Julianne Moore busting out one of her signature cries outside of the courthouse, a pucker-inducing dance scene, everything Becky Barnett says, the soundtrack, etc… etc… But being the dumb turd corn that he is, Marky Mark regrets doing Boogie Nights and hopes that God will forgive him for it. When Marky gets to the gates of Heaven and asks God if he’s forgiven for Boogie Nights, God will probably say, “Errr, I don’t forgive Paul Thomas Anderson for casting your ass, and I also don’t forgive you for almost killing those Vietnamese men,” before hitting a button that opens a trap door to Hell.

A couple of years ago, Marky joked about asking the Pope to forgive him for Ted, and The Chicago Tribune says that during an event with Cardinal Blase Cupich in Chicago on Friday night, he said that he hopes God forgives him for playing a 70s porn star. Oh yes, Marky wants forgiveness for playing a sinful porn star with a humongous dick, and not for playing a girl-beating dog killer in Fear! Makes sense.

“I just always hope that God is a movie fan and also forgiving, because I’ve made some poor choices in my past.”

Asked if he’d ever prayed for forgiveness for any movies in particular, he added, “‘Boogie Nights’ is up there at the top of the list.”

Since Marky is the pride of the Catholics, he was in Chicago to help Cardinal Cupich draw more young people into the church (and yes, I threw a side-eye at “draw more young people into the church…”). Marky thinks that the bad youngins’ of Chicago can relate to him since he used to do bad things, like you know, viciously beat two men in a racist attack.

“I’ve never been shy about sharing my past and the bad decisions I’ve made and being affiliated with gangs, being incarcerated, so absolutely I think they can identify with me on a personal level, and that’s why I’ve continued to try to do as much as I can to help young people.

It’s one thing to give money, or to start programs, but to be there and be able to talk to them, and tell them there is someone who has been through the same things they are going through and was able to turn their life around, and turn it into a big positive. That’s always important.”

But back to Boogie Nights...

There are many Marky Mark movies that he should beg for God’s forgiveness for (Planet of the Apes, that Transformers shit, The Happening, Daddy’s Home), but Boogie Nights is not atonement quality. Dirk Diggler is considered Marky’s breakout role, so if he was never in Boogie Nights, he might not be a multi-millionaire movie star who’s at some Catholic Church event talking about how he regrets doing Boogie Nights. So the next time Marky prays to the lord above to forgive him for playing Dirk Diggler, he’ll probably get a “request denied” message in his head since God definitely knows that he should be giving a billion thanks for Boogie Nights.

Pic: New Line Cinema

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