Someone Hold Ivana Trump’s Champagne, Sweetie Dahling, Because She’s Going In On The Trump Wives

October 10, 2017 / Posted by:

Donald Trump is the cattiest queen of the Trump family, but it looks like Ivana Trump learned a thing or two from him, because she used one manicured paw to drag Trump wife #2 Marla Maples by the hair and used her other manicured paw to drag current Trump wife Melania Trump by the hair. And yes, Andy Cohen is loving this Real Trumpwives of Shitsville reunion moment.

Ivana is still whoring out her book Raising Dumps (typo and it says), and during an interview on Good Morning America yesterday, she said that she talks to Jabba the Trump every couple of weeks. The Cremaster Patsy Stone then bragged about how she has the direct number to the White House, but she never uses it, because she doesn’t want to make Melania jealous. Ivana then jokingly said that she’s basically the First Lady. That hair yank was subtle, but it was strong, and I’m sure that tug made Melania’s face lift a bit. And yes, Ivana will send Melania a bill for that quick facelift tune-up. Ivana doesn’t do anything for free, dahling. Here’s what Ivana said:

“I [don’t] really want to call him there, because Melania is there. And I don’t want to cause any kind of jealousy or something like that, because I’m basically first Trump wife. OK? I’m first lady.”

I’m now imagining First Lady Ivana. She wouldn’t pretend to care about stupid and boring things like bullying or helping children or reading. She’d keep it real and make her platform something that is near and dear to her heart. She’d teach the children of America the art of gold digging!

You would think that Melania Trump’s office wouldn’t have time to respond to petty shit like this. But if you think that, then you must not know that Melania Trump’s office doesn’t do shit, so of course they have time to respond to petty shit like this. And they did:

“Mrs. Trump has made the White House a home for Barron and the President. She loves living in Washington, DC, and is honored by her role as first lady of the United States. She plans to use her title and role to help children, not sell books. There is clearly no substance to this statement from an ex, this is unfortunately only attention-seeking and self-serving noise.”

Um, Ivana and Melania do realize that it sounds like they’re fighting over two things they don’t really want: a job and Trump.

Third Lady Melania totally didn’t have anything to do with that statement. Because if she responded herself, she would’ve had her assistant write this:

“Mrs. Trump will gladly take Ivana Trump up on her offer to take over as First Lady and move into the White House. Mrs. Trump already has her bags packed and only requests that Ivana Trump tells her yacht staff, I mean, Mrs. Trump’s yacht staff to put the champagne on ice and lay out the Balmain bikini. Since Mrs. Trump has now publicly accepted Ivana Trump’s offer, there is no go-backsies allowed. It’s like a law or something.”

And about Marla Maples…

People got excerpts from Ivana’s book where she went in on home wrecker grand champion Marla for “knowingly entering into a relationship” with her husband the father of her three children. Ivana says she will never forgive Marla for breaking up her marriage, and also went in on Tiffany Trump’s mom for going on Dancing with the Stars.

“No class!” Ivana said, adding that she’s been asked to appear on the show “a hundred times — and offered a mint.”

“But I wouldn’t go on that show, dancing in those tiny dresses with the boobs and butt hanging out,” she added.

“The showgirl appeared on DWTS when (because) her ex-husband was running for president! It was disrespectful to do the show. I never would have embarrassed Donald that way.”

It’s obviously not possible for Jabba the Trump to feel embarrassment, but still, how dare Marla embarrass her reality trick ex by going on a reality show!

And Ivana is right about Dancing with the Stars. It’s trashy and tacky, unlike the classy and tasteful reality gem: Ivana Young Man.


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