George Clooney Talks About Parenthood

August 30, 2017 / Posted by:

I imagine that George Clooney has to put up with people asking stupid questions during a press tour. In exchange for plugging his own projects, he must in turn indulge the media and endure a barrage of questions like “Hey George, do you like toast?” or “Hey George, which shoe do you put on first?” or “Hey George, what does Brad smell like?

George directed a movie called Suburbicon which comes out in October, so now he has to answer a whole lot of questions about his twins, wife Amal Clooney, and fatherhood. Tit for tat, Georgie boy! Will you deliver the titillating truth bombs or will it be numbingly boring platitudes and bullshit? Remember, your movie’s box office depends on this!

E! News says that during a recent interview with the Associated Press, George was – you guessed it – asked about his new life as a dad. George says:

“I just have to clean the barf off of my tux. It used to be my barf, but now it’s the twins’ barf. So, it all works out.”

Ah George, so delightfully glib. Well, we know George loves to natter on about how great his wife Amal is. Maybe he can say something interesting and insightful about her. Whatcha got, George?

“She’s like an Olympic athlete. She’s doing so beautifully.”

Hold up, just a minute. Does he mean she’s actually practicing some type of sport at the highest level while simultaneously caring for two small children? Like, has she taken up competitive speed skating with a baby under each arm? Or maybe he just means “the fuck do you expect me to say? Even though she has two nannies she knows how to change a diaper, next question,” which is exactly what I think he meant.

According to E!, George does say one thing that resembles an actual human emotion.

“Suddenly, you’re responsible for other people, which is terrifying. Right now my job is changing diapers and walking them around a little bit. I really didn’t think at 56, that I would be the parent of twins. Don’t make plans. You always have to just enjoy the ride.”

Those are words! Yes, we should enjoy the ride! Just because George gets to ride in a private jet, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t enjoy bumping around in your 2001 Sentra with bald tires and a CHECK ENGINE light that’s been on for 5 years. To be fair, I’m sure being a parent is terrifying no matter your tax bracket. And what else was he supposed to say? He’s not going to break down the staff he has, the resources at his disposal, or be honest about the perils of geriatric parenting. He’s gonna smile, remind you that his default outfit is a tuxedo, and then try to get you to watch his socially conscious movie, which according to USA Todaypeers into the dark racial tensions of 1950s suburbia.” Let’s see…

Mmmmkay, if you say so, George.


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