Especially that demon bear clutching the Big Gulp behind her, but his seem like the wrong kinda feels. ANYWHO, Pink reminded everyone that just ‘cuz she wasn’t part of the blonde pop star brigade of the early aughts doesn’t mean she didn’t crank out a string of killer videos – critics be damned!
She performed a medley of her hits before scooping up the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award at last night’s MTV VMAs. Her outfit was part Wonder Woman, part caution tape, and part mechanic at your neighborhood Jiffy Lube. She somehow even managed to ride a John Deere lawn tractor while followed by a flock of chainsaw-wielding dancers dressed like a censored Madonna in the Sex book. I hope someone was covering poor Charlie Puth’s eyes since his twink cherub self isn’t old enough to see such naughtiness! Thankfully, the dramatic dance crescendo involved a thrash dance around an IKEA couch instead of her usual aerial circus fare.
E! News went on to detail her scooping up the award after Ellen DeGeneres (filling in last-minute for Cher!) introduced her gal pal. Pink took the award and, praise to the VMA gods, she kept it poignant and sweet (some of us had a Game of Thrones finale to watch, and heaven forbid we miss out on some medieval hiney!). Her speech centered around telling her daughter, Willow Sage, to embrace her individuality after the 6-year old told her after school one day she was the ugliest girl she knew and looked like a boy. Before she could put the car in reverse and go teach some kindergarten assholes a lesson, Pink went the Mr. Rogers route:
“I went home and I made a PowerPoint presentation for her and in that presentation, there were androgynous rock stars and artists that live their truth and are probably made fun of every day of their lives and carry on. [They] wave their flag, and inspire the rest of us. These are artists like Michael Jackson, David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Annie Lennox, Prince, Janis Joplin, George Michael, Elton John, so many artists.”
Somewhere, a poor MTV staffer had to probably hold back a pissed-off Katy Perry who was annoyed AF that her pixie cut didn’t get her onto that list. Pink went on to say that people compared her looks to a dude’s in the past, and that it didn’t get her down ‘cuz her checking account had a balance that could buy and sell bullies like they were sandwiches at Quiznos. Actually no, she put it a lot more eloquently than that:
“Baby girl, we don’t change, we take the gravel and the shell and we make a pearl.”
She also tweeted an extremely-cute video of her daughter singing along to her new single “What About Us.”
Best thing I have EVER SEEN https://t.co/KspDZaetGQ
— P!nk (@Pink) August 28, 2017
In short, Pink doesn’t want future-Willow to be a cookie-cutter type, clubbing it up with the likes of other celebrity spawn like North West. Pink raised you better than that, Willow! You have Carey Hart’s biker blood running through you, and you can mop those basics up with royalties from “Stupid Girls” alone. So don’t be a stupid girl!