The “American Horror Story: Cult” Trailer Is As Terrifying As You Might Expect

August 23, 2017 / Posted by:

The trailer for American Horror Story: Cult dropped yesterday, and, no, it wasn’t just a film of Hillary Clinton’s supporters sipping a giant vat of Sleepy-Tea to slumber on through the next four years. Instead, that shit begins in Michigan on Election Night 2016. You know, that state everyone knew HRC had on lock, so she didn’t even bother to visit. Welp, we know how that turned out: HORRIBLE. Thus, Ryan Murphy knew nothing would be spookier reliving that shit. Only, he could make it spookier…WITH CLOWNS!

Sarah Paulson is basically all of us when she screams at the TV in the same way she did last season when crazy colonial ghosts (spoiler alert for AHS: Roanoke) basically go on a killing spree. Same thing, right?! Evan Peters apparently plays a Donald dude who humps the TV in glee (as they all do). The Hollywood Reporter says Sarah’s character is named Ally and Evan’s is Kai. As the election goes on, Sarah tells her therapist (played by panty creamer Cheyenne Jackson) that her fear of clowns has grown worse since the election. I mean, duh…the biggest one is in the White House and his clown army pops up all over cable news, boo!

Kai goes from thrusting the big screen to leading a cult, and somewhere in there, he loops in Billie Lourd. She tells him kids are her biggest fear, but – PLOT TWIST NOBODY SAW COMING *cough* – she then babysits for Sarah’s character’s kid. And gives the kid a clown just to be a real bitch, since sleeping with the father appears to be out of the question. Sarah’s wife is played by Alison Pill, who basically has the same haircut and emotional state she rocked in The Newsroom. Guess we’re trying to bore the clowns to death?

The whole thing is a far camp cry from when it was a bunch of witch bitches tra-la-la-ing around the French Quarter, so I guess you might say Ryan is “woke” these days. The Obama years were for that diva-tude kinda shit. Trump means spooky clowns popping up right outside your butler’s pantry! Come to think of it, I’m sure that’s how Steve Bannon probably woke the president up every morning while he still had a job at the White House.

Pic: YouTube

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