Derek Jeter Is A Daddy Now

August 18, 2017 / Posted by:

TMZ says that at long last, retired New York Yankee Derek Jeter and his model wife Hannah Davis are parents. 27-year-old Hannah gave birth to 43-year-old Derek Jeter’s first kid yesterday, a little girl named Bella Raine Jeter.

The New York Yankees congratulated them on Twitter with a GIF of Derek tonguing the corner of his mouth as if to think, “Shoot, I hope that’s a pretzel crumb.

Nothing else is known about Baby Bella Jeter. Did Derek present Hannah’s womb with a thank-you gift basket for all its hard work when it was done? Will Derek Jeter soothe the baby to sleep at night by singing her a lullaby-ized version of the Derek Jeter’s Taco Hole jingle?

But let’s talk about that name! Bella feels like this generations Michelle (which I guess would make Sophia the Jennifer and Ava the Ashley?), so I’m not surprised they went with something so common. Thank goodness they got a little creative with that middle name. It’s not just Rain, it’s Raine with an extra-classy E thrown on the end. Bella Raine sounds like a brand of complimentary toiletries that you can only get at a hotel that also has room service and a business center. It also sounds like a box of drugstore hair dye that comes with not one, but two tubes of conditioner. Two conditioners is your sign that you’re using the Lexus of at-home hair color. Or at least the used car lot Lexus with only 60,000 miles and minor scratches of hair color.


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