Derek Jeter Is A Daddy Now

August 18, 2017 / Posted by:

TMZ says that at long last, retired New York Yankee Derek Jeter and his model wife Hannah Davis are parents. 27-year-old Hannah gave birth to 43-year-old Derek Jeter’s first kid yesterday, a little girl named Bella Raine Jeter.

The New York Yankees congratulated them on Twitter with a GIF of Derek tonguing the corner of his mouth as if to think, “Shoot, I hope that’s a pretzel crumb.

Nothing else is known about Baby Bella Jeter. Did Derek present Hannah’s womb with a thank-you gift basket for all its hard work when it was done? Will Derek Jeter soothe the baby to sleep at night by singing her a lullaby-ized version of the Derek Jeter’s Taco Hole jingle?

But let’s talk about that name! Bella feels like this generations Michelle (which I guess would make Sophia the Jennifer and Ava the Ashley?), so I’m not surprised they went with something so common. Thank goodness they got a little creative with that middle name. It’s not just Rain, it’s Raine with an extra-classy E thrown on the end. Bella Raine sounds like a brand of complimentary toiletries that you can only get at a hotel that also has room service and a business center. It also sounds like a box of drugstore hair dye that comes with not one, but two tubes of conditioner. Two conditioners is your sign that you’re using the Lexus of at-home hair color. Or at least the used car lot Lexus with only 60,000 miles and minor scratches of hair color.


Our commenting rules are pretty simple: Don't be racist or bigoted, or go way off topic when not in an Open Post. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

alt="drupal analytics" >