The Teen Choice Awards were held last night and as usual, the fashion on display mirrored the tempestuous and confused mind of a teen and the questionable choices they are prone to make. Case in point: Naya Rivera, who is not Canadian, decided to wear a Canadian Tuxedo. A bold enough choice in and of itself, but Naya’s added some extra 90’s stank to the classic look with a belt that I bought at Miller’s Outpost my first year of Jr. High and some power shoulder poofs. Naya is ready to drop her kids off at a sleepover in her white Volvo before rolling out to meet her girls for some line dancing and wine spritzers at Rojo’s down off highway 84.
Pretty Little Liar, Lucy Hale, looked fresh faced, but her fit looked musty as hell. When her great aunt Martha bought those decorative pillows on that cruise she and Bob took to Turkey back in ‘89, she never meant for them to be worn. And there’s a reason aunt Martha keeps the couch coated in plastic. By releasing those cushions, Lucy has exposed them to all sorts of indignities at The Teen Choice Awards. You can be sure sure her dress now smells like the air around her; a mixture of Tapout body spray, weed and stale BO.
We can all curse Migos for making lady blouses au courant in the world of Hip Hop. Rapper Swae Lee took the Working Girl challenge and wore a silky number emblazoned with turtles. It also features attached ties for making a bow. Swae wore it casually untied, like Nancy from in accounting used to. What Swae doesn’t know, is that Nancy was brutally strangled by those loose ties when they got it stuck in the copier as she was printing up the 3rd quarter sales report for 1986. Swae’s brother and Rae Sremmurd bandmate Slim Jxmmi was a bit less bold in his choice of outfit wearing a simple Cosby sweater, belted with the sleeves cut off.
Enjoy more fashion fuckery from the TCA, the middle school spring fling of the awards shows!