It’s been all of a minute since Amber Heard and billionaire Elon Musk broke up, but farted out that “we remain close” shit that is the perpetual epilogue of a Hollywood love story. I remain close with that 20-piece chicken McNugget meal I had at McDonalds for lunch, but that doesn’t mean I’m still gonna see it around! God, I need Jenny Craig. Anyway, Amb and El apparently meant it because they both have been emo on social media about still hanging out.
MTV says the two were spotted this morning cuddling and kissing at a café in Australia. Gross. I scoped out the menu for this place, and it looks like they have a jammin’ breakfast offering:
Those poor Aussies just wanted to get up, spin around their bedroom to Kylie Minogue’s “Spinnin’ Around” (isn’t that the official Australian wake-up routine?), and go grab that cholesterol-packed sourdough bowl. But nooooo. They had to see some movie STAH suck face with that dude responsible for all the front parking spots at Target reserved for electric shit. Speaking of, Elon apparently let Amber drive his Tesla post-brekkie. What was this?! Back for round two?? Nah, you can see how fattening that sourdough bowl looks. They were definitely going to go work off calories with some mid-morning boinking.