As expected, Taylor Swift’s butt-groping case went to trial in Denver, Colorado this week. Taylor’s appearance in court yesterday was documented with a courtroom sketch. But by the look of that sketch, I’m not entirely sure Taylor Swift was actually there?
I mean, Reuters tells me that’s a picture of Taylor Swift, her lawyer J. Douglas Baldridge, and Taylor’s mom Andrea Swift (and the pencil-sketch ghost of her father Scott Swift floating off to the right). But I see Julia Stiles on her way to a last-minute costume party as Wednesday Addams (she didn’t have time to grab a black wig), a 1962 Ken doll, and Chris Farley’s Gap Girl.
That sketch of Taylor isn’t nearly as busted as, let’s say, Tom Brady’s courtroom portrait. But she still looks so off. It’s the work of a Denver courtroom artist by the name of Jeff Kandyba. I don’t know if the lighting was weird in that courtroom, or if Jeff is just more of a Katy Perry fan. But those eyebrows and that beauty mark make her look like Taylor’s long-lost evil twin come back from the dead on a mid-afternoon soap opera called Too Many Boys, Not Enough Dating Contracts.
Taylor wasn’t just in court to pose for a future WTF Hall of Fame courtroom sketch. On Monday she was present for jury selection. Yesterday she was present for the testimony given by David Mueller, the man who is suing Taylor for accusing him of inappropriate touching at a meet-and-greet in 2013 and getting him fired from his radio job. Reuters reports David was making $150,000 a year at KYGO before the accusations. But David claimed in court that his lawsuit was about more than just losing his job and his income.
“I want to clear my name,” he said. “It’s a humiliating experience to be accused of something so despicable.”
When asked on the stand if he grabbed her butt, David answered that he did not.
Taylor is counter-suing David, accusing him of intentionally grabbing her ass. People magazine reported at the time that Taylor planned to donate any money she made from a trial win to sexual assault charities and organizations. Reuters says that Taylor is counter-suing for a mere $1. One dollar! I hope Taylor’s donation at least comes with a couple autographed 8x10s to sell online.
Taylor made her feelings about David’s alleged actions known in a deposition, saying:
“It was not an accident, it was completely intentional, and I have never been so sure of anything in my life.”
Taylor is expected to be in court for the entirety of the trial (which is estimated to be nine days), and is take the stand sometime this week. That means we’re bound to get another sketch of Taylor. I hope Jeff gets Taylor’s face right the next time he sits down with his pastels and paper, lest he wants to incur the wrath of Taylor’s squad for doing their queen dirty like that. Although he could be safe; there is a chance Taylor’s friends have yet to realize that’s supposed to be Taylor in the picture.
Pic: Jeff Kandyba/Reuters