One of these days, the estate of Harper Lee will announce she left behind the real sequel to To Kill A Mockingbird called To Cover Thy Nose, and it will be all about the legal battle over Brandi Glanville saying Joanna Krupa had a stank puss. Unfortunately, Harper never lived to see the resolution, as TMZ reports Joanna and Brandi reached a settlement. So the confused-looking Real Housewives of Miami star withdrew her defamation suit against that hot mess of Beverly Hills.
Back when I was a baby gay, a drag queen in Boston once told me to never trust anything that smelled like low tide, and apparently Brandi was taught the same! The whole mess started because Brandi was being, well, Brandi, over several appearances on Watch What Happens Live in 2013 and 2014. Brandi’s appearance came right after a RHOM reunion where a cast member accused Joanna of being HO-anna and fooling around with Gigi and Bella Hadid’s father Mohamed Hadid while he was still married to Yolanda Malibu Barbie Foster Hadid:
Brandi said Mohamed told her that Joanna’s puss was a little rank, and so began war. Lisa Vanderpump (who Brandi said also heard Mo’s snitching about smelly pussy) denied ever hearing anything and Mohamed called Brandi scum. Brandi and Joanna kind of slapped back and forth after the appearance, but shit cooled down until Brandi went BACK on WWHL and made another crack at the maybe/maybe-not pungent nethers. Honestly, Andy Cohen must have a deal with every legal team in each Real Housewives city, because his shit-stirring antics are responsible for many an esquire nabbing a new sports car.
Just as gay marriage was working its way through the Supreme Court, an even bigger lawsuit raged, and it was whether that cooch reeked. Jo said Brandi’s words caused emotional distress, and, surprisingly, the cast of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills didn’t issue a joint “No shit, Sherlock” statement in response. The shit got so messy that Joanna’s estranged husband got into the mix saying she had a vagine like no other, and the dog pictured with her above seems to (for better or for worse) agree! A judge even asked for Joanna’s gynecological records – presumably to see if her OB-GYN tried to bill Blue Cross Blue Shield for a gas mask in order to conduct a routine exam.
None were found in the receipts, because Joanna appears to have won. The settlement apparently also requires Brandi to go into the town square and, instead of her usual heckling, issue a public apology. Brandi spewed:
I want to apologize to Joanna Krupa for the statements I have made about her. I regret ever making such statements about Joanna Krupa; I also certainly never intended my statements to be taken so seriously and out of proportion. I apologize as I never wanted my statements to affect Joanna Krupa’s reputation and I wish her nothing but continued success in life.
I take it Brandi won’t be back to haunt RHOBH anytime soon, as she most certainly spontaneously combusted after giving what is likely her first apology on record. In the meantime, the execs at Long John Silver must be pissed: having their food compared to Polish supermodel puss was the best thing to happen to their brand in decades!