Don’t Worry, Fox News, The “Wonder Woman” Sequel Will Take Place In America! 

June 5, 2017 / Posted by:

Wonder Woman director Patty Jenkins and Gal Gadot probably spent their Monday morning drinking a crystal champagne flute full of the sparkling tears of the man children who cried and threw tantrum over the women’s only screening in Austin. Because in four days, Wonder Woman has made almost a quarter of a billion dollars worldwide. That number may seem impressive, but I’m shrugging at it. I mean, after seeing the prices for the IMAX 3D showings of Wonder Woman, I can tell you that $250,000 million would cover about 22 tickets and a small thing of popcorn.

Deadline says that WW made $103.1 million in three days in North America. That, of course, makes it the #1 movie. Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie came in at #2 with $23.5 million. (Side note: When I went to see WW yesterday, a grown man next to me said to the ticket seller, “One for Captain Underpants.” That took me back to the time I actually said the words, “One for From Justin To Kelly, please.” I judged him the same way I hoped I was judged for that embarrassing moment.)

WW now holds the record for the biggest opening ever for a movie directed by a woman. The record used to be held by the first Fifty Shades of Shit movie. WW also kicked Iron Man down to fifth place on the list of the top openings for a superhero origin movie. Box Office Mojo says WW made another $122.5 million in other countries, bringing its worldwide total so far to $223,005,000. Its production budget was $149 million, so yeah, it’s going to make money, which means it’s definitely getting a sequel.

Even before WW made zillions of dollars and even before all of the good reviews (which probably made Sad Ben Affleck even more sad) came out, Patty Jenkins talked about her plans for a sequel. Both Patty and Gal have already signed on to do the sequel. During an interview with Entertainment Weekly that was done in April (EW held it until last week), Patty says that the WW sequel will take place in modern day America.

“The story will take place in the U.S., which I think is right. She’s Wonder Woman. She’s got to come to America. It’s time.

I made Wonder Woman. Now I want to make Wonder Woman 2. It’s a beautiful story to tell, an important time to tell it and with people that I love.”

That should make the professional OUTRAGErs at Fox News happy. On Friday, there wasn’t really any major news to cover (like who cares about Jabba the Trump pulling out of the Paris climate deal or Charo playing the Queen of England in Sharknado 5), so Fox News host Neil Cavuto decided to create some by bitching about how the new Wonder Woman hates America! Neil and his guests, Dion Baia and Mike Gunzelman, shook their heads at how the new Wonder Woman’s costume doesn’t look star spangled enough (à la Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman) for them. via Vanity Fair 

Neil: Her outfit isn’t red, white, and blue, and in order to appeal to foreign audiences, very little reference to America at all.

Dion: Nowadays, sadly, money trumps patriotism. Especially, recently, I personally feel like we’re not really very patriotic, the country, in a certain sense.

Mike: I think the Hollywood aspect—we see this time and time again—it’s cool to hate America these days.

“Money trumps patriotism…” I think I just overdosed on irony.

Yes, Wonder Woman is a comic book character who is a Greek demigod from the fake island of Themiscyra, but I’m with Fox News. I will rage right next to them if in the Wonder Woman sequel, she is not wearing a gas station American flag bikini, thigh high UGGs, a bullet sash and a beer guzzler hat (filled with Bud Light). And I will really rage if she’s not pulled off of her invisible plane by an invisible flight attendant due to overcrowding.

Pic: Warner Bros.

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