Kanye West Wants To Design The Sports Uniforms For Calabasas High

June 4, 2017 / Posted by:

I’m not sure the football team will find wearing mocha-colored thong leotards that effective on the field. Also – football tends to make you sweaty, and Kanye West’s clothes are apparently verging on lethal when exposed to excessive temperatures. Kanye is trying to seal a deal with Kardashian-Land High (Calabasas High School in Calabasas, California) wherein he would design their sports uniforms. No, really.

No child should be forced to wear what looks like outfits for depressive Starfleet commanders for any school-sponsored activity. Including Drama Club. TMZ reports that Kanye’s got it all figured out.

As part of the deal, we’re told Kanye would make a sizable donation to improve school facilities — including major upgrades to the gym.

Yeezus also wants to change the name of their sports teams from the “Coyotes” to the “Wolves” (which also happens to be the title of one of his songs). And he also wants to switch up the school colors from black and gold to… well, they didn’t say. But I’m betting on “beige” and “tapioca.”

Why is Kanye suddenly possessed of all this Calabasas Coyote school spirit? It might be because the school already has a deal in place with Adidas (!!!) who own Kanye’s brand. Is it common for high schools to have tie-in situations with galactically famous brands now? Not that I ever really noticed what the football team was wearing unless it was a locker room jockstrap-sighting situation, but I’m pretty sure my high school sports teams wore dirty uniforms obtained from Joe Cushman Sportswear’s clearance rack.

Also, some of Calabasas’ athletes are said to be very “high-profile,” which I assume means they get a lot of collegiate scouts at their games. Kanye will hitch his taupe-colored wagon to any star he can!

Kanye’s foster family (aka The Kardashians) also have “deep ties” to the community. This probably means that they’re playing nice with the city so the Board of Selectman will give them the go-ahead to open a Kardashian-branded filler/Botox salon.

If Yeezy is allowed to re-brand the sports program, does this mean other Kardashians will get involved? Will the Calabasas High cheerleading squad be issued butt implants as well as pom-poms? Koach Kim says you better learn to basket-toss each other with much larger asses, girls!

Pic: Backgrid

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