Jennifer Garner Called Out People Magazine For Their Cover Story About Her 

May 31, 2017 / Posted by:

Earlier, Allison did a write-up on People’s cover story about how Jennifer Garner is moving on from Ben Affleck and that he’s the love of her life but she’s happy to be single, blah blah blah. The quotes were all from “insiders” and the article seemed pretty harmless. If I had to rate the offensiveness of People’s article from 13 Going On 30 (not offensive) to Nine Lives (beyond offensive), I’d say it sits firmly on 13 Going On 30. And yes, Nine Lives is Jennifer Garner’s most offensive movie. The cat tries to fuck her! That pussy wants to get some pussy action from her. Jennifer Garner shouldn’t be able to call out People on Facebook, because she should be in jail for engaging in soft-core bestiality porn! But I digress…

The cover of People has Jennifer Garner doing a “hand to face” pose and the headline reads: Life After Heartbreak. Jennifer thinks it looks like a direct interview with her and she’s not amused by that. Jennifer said on Facebook that she didn’t pose for the article and she had nothing to do with it. Cut to one of People’s editors throwing a “gurrrrrl, please” as Jennifer’s publicists call to wonder if she’s still in the running for Most Beautiful Woman 2018.

It has been brought to my attention that there is a People magazine cover and article out today that appear to be coming from me. It isn’t unusual for me to receive calls from loved ones thinking I forgot to tell them I am pregnant–with twins!–(Geez Louise), but those are so ridiculous they’re easy to ignore.

This isn’t a tragedy by any measure, but it does affect me and my family and so, before my mom’s garden club lights up her phone, I wanted to set the record straight: I did not pose for this cover. I did not participate in or authorize this article.

While we are here, for what it’s worth: I have three wonderful kids and my family is complete.

Have a beautiful day,


I think what’s most impressive to me about Jennifer’s note is that she’s so dedicated to her brand that she uses phrases like “Geez Louise.”

People is the most celeb-friendly of the weeklies, and so this is like the teacher’s uppity pet getting called out by the teacher in front of the entire class. I love it. And I’m guessing that Jennifer was most pissed off at them saying that Ben is the love of her life. We all know it’s the cat from Nine Lives. Yes, I just had to circle back to that.

Pic: Backgrid

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