Open Post: Hosted By The Tear I Shed Over The End Of Cellino & Barnes

May 11, 2017 / Posted by:

We’ve seen a thousand messy break-ups during the past year. There’s been Heard & Depp, Blige & Isaacs, Jolie & Pitt, Flip & Flop and Spice & Belafonte, to name a few. But no split has hurt as much as this one has. An everlasting partnership is a crazy fairy tale told by Mother Goose because it doesn’t exist in real life. I now know that to be 100% true, because Cellino & Barnes are over and it has already gotten legally messy. Cellino is suing Barnes!!! To put that into perspective, it’s like Siegfried suing Roy or Mickey suing Minnie or Shauna Sand suing the makers of exquisite Lucite heels.

In case you have no idea who Cellino & Barnes is and don’t know what it’s like to have their jingle burrowed into your brain, I’ll give you their story really quick. Cellino & Barnes is a personal injury law firm that has offices all across the land from Buffalo to NYC to Los Angeles to Oakland to San Diego. The partners, Ross M. Cellino Jr. and Stephen Barnes, have been in the business of law together for 30 years. But what they’re really known for is their commercial jingle. Well, now their jingle is Chopin’s funeral march, because their partnership is dead.

WGRZ says that Cellino filed a lawsuit yesterday in New York State Supreme Court against Stephen Barnes. Cellino wants to completely dissolve Cellino & Barnes. Cellino’s lawyer wouldn’t say why he wants the partnership to end. Barnes apparently doesn’t want to kill the firm and on May 19, he’s scheduled to show up in court to give the reasons for why Cellino & Barnes should live on. This may be the easiest case that Barnes has ever had to argue. The reason for why Cellino & Barnes shouldn’t break up is simple. If Cellino & Barnes dies, the number 8 would die with them. I would no longer be able to touch the number 8 on my phone because I’d be too busy cry-singing out this classic masterpiece:

Many of us are going to need a personal injury lawyer of our own so we can sue Cellino & Barnes for causing injury to our belief in true love by breaking up!

I honestly don’t know whose team to be on. I can’t be on Team Cellino and I can’t be on Team Barnes, because I only know them as Cellino & Barnes. I’m on Team Stay Together For The Sake Of The Children (AKA Us)!

Pic: YouTube

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