Hold Me Tight And Tell Me It’s Going To Be Okay: Prince Hot Ginge Is Probably Getting Engaged Soon 

May 8, 2017 / Posted by:

I got a later start than usual today, and it wasn’t because I had to lure my shivering and scared liver out of the corner with milk thistle while promising it that I’ll never ever celebrate Cinco de Mayo again. I got a later start because I needed to explain to the police this morning that the “guinea pig on helium getting choked out” noise that my neighbors called 911 about was just me wailing over the pictures from The Sun of Prince Hot Ginge sucking on Meghan Markle’s face.

On Saturday, Meghan Markle made her first semi-official appearance as Prince Hot Ginge’s full-time piece at a charity polo match in Ascot, Berkshire. PHG played in the match and Meghan was there to cheer him on. While in the parking lot of the polo club, PHG and Future Princess Meghan touched lips and the paps just so happened to get pictures of it. This is the part of the day when some of us curse at the gods over not being born a basic cable TV actress, because then we’d be the ones getting into parking lot suck face action with PHG instead of spending a Saturday making out with our own hand, which we drew PHG’s face on with an orange marker.

Meghan and PHG are going to keep the public shit going by showing up to Pippa Middleton’s wedding together later this month. Pippa has reportedly put a “no ring, no bring” rule on the ceremony, so Meghan was only going to go to the reception as PHG’s date. But now The Telegraph is hearing that Pippa is bending that rule for Meghan and letting her go to the wedding ceremony too.

But in an apparent exception to the rule, sources have told The Daily Telegraph that Miss Markle will attend the wedding, despite being neither married nor engaged to Prince Harry.

So Meghan made her sort of official debut as PHG’s girlfriend this past weekend and now she’s been allowed to go to Pippa’s wedding ceremony. Either they’re going to get engaged in a minute or they’re already engaged. If it’s the second one, then I hope that during Pippa’s wedding ceremony, Meghan oh-so-casually lifts her left hand to her face and Pippa’s eyes are temporarily blinded by the spark shooting off of a giant engagement ring on Meghan’s finger. PHG’s engagement news will be much easier to take if it’s paired with grainy cell phone video of a raging Pippa Middleton jumping into the church pews to whoop a spotlight-stealing trick’s ass.

Pic: @TheSun


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