I see the truth now… That emergency meeting at Buckingham Palace that THE QUEEN called at the last minute wasn’t about Prince Philip retiring his ribbon-cutting hand. That was just a cover-up. THE QUEEN summoned all of her staff to her throne room to warn them about a visit from a member of the Death Eaters.
Anna Wintour was named a Dame Commander of the British Empire by Queen Elizabeth II at a ceremony at Buckingham Palace today. So during that emergency meeting, I’m sure THE QUEEN told her household staff that only staff members who are bigger than Size Baby Ant will work the ceremony and they’ll have to wear a polyester uniform. Anna Wintour will be so repulsed by the obesity and cheap materials around her that she’d forget her mission, which is to unleash her dark powers of evil and take over the throne! THE QUEEN’s plan worked because she’s still Queen.
The BBC says that Anna actually took off her Blue Blockers to get dame’d and told reporters afterward that THE QUEEN had a bit of a hard time pinning her:
The Queen struggled to attach the insignia to the editor’s pink belted Chanel outfit: “She couldn’t find where to put the brooch,” said Wintour.
“I congratulated her on Prince Philip’s service because obviously that’s so remarkable and such an inspiration to us all,” the fashion editor told reporters.
THE QUEEN also talked to reporters afterward and said (no, she didn’t) that she had a hard time pinning Anna Wintour because every time her hands got near Anna’s heart area, her fingers nearly froze and turned to icicles from the ice cold frostiness shooting out of there. But THE QUEEN also said (again, no she didn’t), “I was very happy to DAMN Anna Wintour. Whoopsies, I meant ‘dame.'”, before mouthing the words, “No, I didn’t.”
Pics: Yui Mok – PA Images/Getty