Now For Claire Danes And Her Fashion Tribute To 2004

May 2, 2017 / Posted by:

At least I assume that’s what’s supposed to be going on here? Claire Danes must either be working out the kinks of a new prescription from her optometrist, or she legitimately wanted to dress in this outfit for the Met Gala. I think it’s the second option. But mostly because I want to believe there’s a stylist out there who successfully convinced Claire Danes to work some aspiring early-00s European trance DJ realness.

Claire Danes’ Met Gala ensemble is something Stefon would describe in a Why She Looks A Mess support group. Claire’s outfit has everything: cargo pockets, the cheapest curtain panel from IKEA, Cameron Diaz’s old hair, those folded paper fans your auntie makes when she’s too hot in church, pants from a Pussycat DollsΒ fire sale.

That whole outfit, which you can thank Monse for, gave me a major flashback to about a decade ago. I had a very similar shirt. Except mine had way more grommets and laces, and I definitely wore it with a pair of knock-off stiletto Converse that I bought for $19.99 at Zellers. Although I never would have paired it with those cargo-pocket formal pants like Claire. Pseudo-combat style mixed with suburban wannabe? Ugh, so tacky!


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155 responses to “Now For Claire Danes And Her Fashion Tribute To 2004”

  1. Hater-Tot says:

    What the fuck with those grey eyebrows and sharpie-thick eyeliner?

  2. JackShepardsTheWorst says:

    Zellers! ?

  3. Jumbo says:

    She irritates me.

  4. SallyTomato says:

    I’ve never liked her uppity ass and therefore it pains me to say that objectifying her husband is one of my main hobbies. Ugh.

  5. Skittles says:

    Oh, Hugh Dancy *swoons*

  6. rhinana's inbred banana says:

    Shower curtain realness bottom left portion of her outfit.

  7. mazohyst says:

    I’m so distracted by her shoes. They look horribly uncomfortable and painful.

  8. Richbitch says:

    Fashion is dead.

  9. TEE says:

    She’s living proof that the smokey eye isn’t for everyone.

  10. Raja Hindustani says:


    • ZombieDjibuddha says:

      There’s daring, then there’s dreadful.

      Even Kanye and Sheree Whitfield are side-eyeing this.

      • Raja Hindustani says:

        Claire wishes she was Sheree.

        Well, she probably doesn’t.

        But she should.

  11. R.W. says:

    For a brief second, she looked like Gwenyth Paltrow.

  12. Vernicious says:

    The Pirate Shirt’s methy cousin.

  13. Darkside says:

    I still think she had an unfortunate run-in with a paper shredder on the way and didn’t have time to change.

  14. Charlie Hunnam's butt says:

    THIS is how you do Met Gala! You do artsy, shocking, and pointless (the very definition of fashion if you ask me).Goopy need to burn that Vegas-show reject dress, and leave for the true high-fashion wannabes.

    learn to be glamorous!! even when the post isn’t about her, Goopy still infuriates me.

  15. Sparrow says:

    aGGGHH….she doesn’t inspire much in me
    for starters she looks like a bland mix of Charlize Theron, Cameron Diaz & the local cleaning lady
    and i have never seen her act in anything that i remember

    • Liz says:

      Romeo and Juliet?

      • Sparrow says:

        lol…of course Romeo & Juliet, but that was 21 years ago!
        I think that was good luck
        because It’s a long time since she has done anything remotely memorable

  16. Sparrow says:

    LOL….She stole Johnny Depp’s pirates of the Caribbean outfit & washed it in bleach & steriods

  17. MayorChapStick76 says:

    This outfit makes no damned sense.

  18. Liz says:

    See, for all the shit that some people get for not adhering to the theme, this shows that going all in can go very, very wrong.

  19. moomarse says:

    make up was pretty bad too… maybe to distract from the horrible outfit.

  20. TurtleTime2017 says:

    I’m getting a very VERY young Mel Gibson vibe from her hubs.

  21. Seraphim says:

    The no “no eyebrow” look never works for her.

  22. irreverence says:

    The reinforced tarpaulin rings really add something to that…er, “shirt.”

  23. soul says:

    CD wanted to wear the dress, but her legs are cappp.??

  24. MahatmaCoat says:

    Can someone please photoshop a parrot onto her shoulder and an eyepatch please?

  25. citizenstrange says:

    Sorry if somebody already posted this …. I see somebody did ..I’M SO STUPID! STUPID STUPID!

  26. Slurpee says:

    What’s the point of this fucking gala? To see who can wear the most ridiculous outfit?

  27. ejcsanfran says:

    She went as “Brokedown” and he went as “Palace.”

    Srsly tho – I kind of love her outfit and I will always give props to someone wearing anything other than a neutral color sheath dress.

  28. CremasterReloaded says:

    I just remembered her dress from last year. Don’t know if this has been posted yet but it was sublime. She should have stuck with the same stylist.

  29. Bridge Burner says:

    OMG, Allison, you killed this post. Thanks for the Stefon list of reasons why this is a mess. Rei’s fashions are definitely out there, so at least Claire tried.

  30. WyleE says:

    Claire Danes: ‘I may look like a luke-warm mess but Hugh Dancy is putting up with this shit show just for ME. Therefore, suck it.’

  31. SANS_FARDS says:

    She actually just looks like a demented zombie pirate.

  32. ozzyinch says:

    She should have just joined the eyeliner and made a racoon mask

  33. Dora Winifred says:

    Can we all just agree that this theme, or at least the way it was carried out by most people, was a mess?

    • SnarketinaJones says:

      Yeah, the theme of “we’re honoring a totally unwearable designer” was impossible to nail. The people who tried the hardest looked the worst. At least the “China” theme had some pretty dresses.

      Anna ‘Nuclear’ Wintour clearly just felt like fucking with people this year.

  34. DuchessGummyBuns says:

    She provokes such violent rage within me. Every time I look at her I think what is that fugly big eared albino monkey doing in hollywood?

  35. LookieLookie says:

    She’s much closer to dressing the theme than the vast majority of the outfits I’ve seen. Meh.

  36. Kiki_Zinnias says:

    Claire’s outfit screams: look what my cats made after getting locked in the bathroom with the TP…..

  37. Heywood Yablomi says:

    Who the hell leaves any woman for uggo Claire Danes?

    • Melissa Michelle Wray says:

      Someone who let their dick do the thinking for them.

    • Abzzzz says:

      Yes, totally agree. I remember that whole thing and it’s why I can’t stand her. It was brought up in an interview I heard and she blew it off and was like, Oh I was young…

  38. SnarketinaJones says:

    If I were Claire Danes and wore that to the gala and then I saw Jourdan Dunn at the same event and and how she looked, I would go lock myself in the bathroom and have a good cry. Then I would return to the dinner and get smashing drunk — and maybe pick a fight with my husband just for good measure.

    She is fucking gorgeous. Girl crush!

  39. Nikitainthesection says:

    High Five to Allison for the Zellers reference.

  40. BonnietheShihTzu says:

    The angle of her feet is what bothers me most. That and how much less beautiful Dancy looks here. He can talk me through this displeasure with that velvet voice though.

    • BeautyQueen says:

      I noticed. Claire has always been ugly. Hugh is naturally gorgeous, but his face looks off here.

      • BonnietheShihTzu says:

        I think he usually has more facial hair. Maybe that’s it. Please be it.

  41. Volvican says:

    I thought she was on theme and I loved it.

  42. ☘?ℱїḓḓℓΡÐΡΡÐΡΡ?☘ says:

    Strangely enough, I kind of like it. Not sure why.

  43. Sunny says:

    She looks like she was fondled by Wolverine in the car.

  44. Rob B Dee says:

    When I first saw the pic, I wondered what Goopy was doing with Hugh? Claire should sue for damages.

  45. Spaz de la Whoreta says:

    Her husband looks so bland here, but I thought he was adorable on Hannibal.

  46. ProudNCGirl says:

    Whatever her husband is adorable.

  47. Upside-down Flower says:

    What happened to her eyebrows?

    Why is she wearing a serving spoon in her hair?

  48. Koosh Ball says:

    Looks like that Ke$ha girl.

  49. taliaann says:

    I do adore one of her accessories, her husband Hugh. ☺️

  50. Wzy says:

    I miss Zellers! They had nice bras.
    Claire gets a pass from me for not knowing how to dress or wear foundation properly as she spends A LOT of time and money on charitable things like vets and education for women.

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