In Puzzling Couple News, David Spade And Naya Rivera Are Still Dating

April 23, 2017 / Posted by:

All of those flicks wherein David Spade rode Chris Farley’s love handles to success must have made bank, because short nasally plain-janes normally don’t achieve this level of hot girl date acquisition. Not trying to promote the human race’s tired beauty standards, but I’m fat and pale with a giant melon and no chin. You didn’t see me regularly landing speedo-clad-and-they-have-every-right-to-with-that-body, gym bunny model ass before I tricked my gorgeous teddy bear of a husband into marrying me. It’s just how the world tends to work.

David and Naya Rivera are apparently really full-on dating and were spotted out at Malibu’s Nobu. Maybe he’s sort of charismatic in real life? Kind to children and pets? The huge dong rumor is fact?

Via E! Online:

The two, who star together in the Crackle comedy film Mad Families, were recently photographed heading to dinner at the Malibu sushi restaurant Nobu, a popular celebrity hotspot.

The two were driven to the restaurant together in an SUV and later left together. They seemed to be in great spirits.

David is supposedly really into her… or so Naya’s assistant posing as “a source close to David” says.

“David really likes Naya,” a source told E! News exclusively. “They are still trying to keep things private, but they have hung out a couple of times since Hawaii.”

Naya, who is a notorious paparazzi/attention addict and recently authored a memoir containing anecdotes about her $8,000 breast augmentation and an abortion she had, is actually not that familiar with the concept of “private.” Santana from Glee’s idea of “private” is along the lines of say, choosing not to alert the paparazzi before picking up that pregnancy test at Duane Reade. Then publicly attaching herself to David Spade (who is so annoying, that his assistant once literally tried to murder him) and the rest of his get-along comedy gang (Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, assorted ancient former SNL douches) is strategic due to the “why are those two together?” novelty. David is like a seagull, a shit-stained, decaying raft for her to cling on to in order to prevent sinking into the murky depths of celebrity obscurity. Hitting the “whoring out Pro-Activ” marker must have terrified her. Or maybe she’s an Elle King stan and this is an elaborate attempt to get on the tour bus for a selfie?

And on David’s part, what middle-aged short dude wouldn’t want to show that type of catch off? He’s probably already ordered her a “Yes, I’m Dating David Spade And Loving It” halter top.

As for his alleged formidable peen, I’ll let ex-girlfriend Heather Locklear (yeah, I know, Amanda Woodward really hit bottom) take that one:

When asked what is Spade’s appeal, Locklear said, “Well, number one, he’s funny. Number two, he has a big c–k.”

Really, Heather?

“I’m kidding,” she said.

She’s funny.

Pic: FameFlynet

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